The Modern LeadHer Way

[079] Let's Talk About S|Ex Baby with Kari Russell

• Emma Clayton • Season 4 • Episode 79

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Join my fabulous guest Kari Russell and I as we talk about all things S|Ex baby! That’s self-exploration, self-expansion and self expression to you!

The episode focuses on reclaiming your voice and authentic self-expression in leadership whether in corporate or business. 

• We explore Kari’s corporate background and transition to coaching 
• The impact of childhood experiences on our self-expression 
• Identifying the beliefs that hold us back from showing up authentically 
• The importance of embracing multifaceted identities in different environments 
• Understanding non-negotiables and core values in professional settings 
• Kari's brand evolution and the launch of Club Yellow 
• Encouraging self-reflection and community engagement for empowerment 

Kari is the unapologetic force behind Club Yellow, the underground playground for women who are done shrinking, over the BS, and ready to take up space like they were born to. As a self-exploration and brand expression coach, she helps women break the rules, rewrite their stories and own every messy, magnetic, and powerful version of themselves. Through her signature membership, The Yellow High Heel, and a lineup of fire-fueled programs and workshops, Kari isn’t here to help you “find” yourself, she’s here to help you FREE the version of you that’s been waiting to take center stage.

Join Kari's community on IG: https://www.instagram.com/clubyellowco/


The next Margate TIME OUT retreat is on 22nd March, get your ticket here: https://www.emmaclaytonxo.com/courses/time-out-retreat-spring25

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Emma Clayton:

This is the Modern Leader Way, the podcast for corporate career women who want to feel good on their way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello and welcome back to the Modern Leaderway podcast, where I am joined by the beautiful Carrie Russell. Hi, carrie.

Kari Russell:

Hello, hello.

Emma Clayton:

So happy to get you on.

Emma Clayton:

I know we talked about this a couple of months ago, so we've waited it out for good reason.

Emma Clayton:

A because of the kind of theme I brought in on the podcast in January, which was all around reclaiming our voice and our expression as leaders, and also because I know you've just been through a big rebrand in your business, so we're going to hear all about that.

Emma Clayton:

But I guess I'm going to ask you to introduce yourself. But just by way of introduction from me, carrie and I Carrie and I have been working together for the last sort of 12 months or so and I came across Carrie 12 months ago and just everything she said on her social media just spoke to my soul about like, where we're hiding parts of ourselves, where we're not being fully expressed, and she had this amazing brand where she talked about SX and that was really very much code for self-expression and that has evolved more recently and she's going to talk about some of that. But I was really keen to have her on so that we could get really into the juiciness of kind of what does hold us back, where we are like making our own boxes to be in or making our own rules and where we get to kind of break free of some of those things.

Emma Clayton:

So let me to introduce yourself and also where you are in the world.

Kari Russell:

Okay, okay. Well, thank you for that introduction and, emma, I just love you and I'm so glad that you found me a year ago because I've just I've adored working with you and getting to know you and seeing you expand and evolve and unlock your voice, and I know that, like it's just the, it's just the iceberg. It's just the iceberg. There's so much. So, yes, I'm Russell and I work with women who truly want to free, who they know that they're meant to be. That's really at the core of what I do and we do mindset work, emotional intelligence work, self-exploration, identity work, visioning, looking at fears and blocks. We go into a whole bunch of different ways to really uncover what is holding someone back in their life, in their business, in their career, in their relationships.

Kari Russell:

And I am in a very small little country town it is Millbrook, ontario, and I am just outside of Peterborough and we moved here about six years ago and it was probably one of the best things for my own self-expression, because we are surrounded by nature and we have the most incredible community of neighbors here, and so it's just it's been being outside, surrounded by trees and trails. It has really connected me back to my own intuition and to my own creative chaos, I like to call it. And yeah, I'm so excited to be here, emma, and I can't wait to dive deeper into this conversation love that, and if anyone doesn't know where that accent or Ontario is from, it's Canada right, yeah, we're in Ontario, canada for months, I think, assuming you were US, but I don't know why.

Emma Clayton:

That's my geography for you. And just to like rewind a little bit, because you actually came from, like, I think you are very entrepreneurial, but you also came from a bit more of a kind of corporate albeit in retail kind of background, didn't you, where you were a leader yourself. So just tell us a little bit about the background story that led you to doing this work.

Kari Russell:

Totally Well being, completely. I've done everything under the sun I've had. I've had every job under the sun and I've always been an entrepreneur. I've had a business since I was. I was a dog walker in grade three and I had flyers posted all around my neighborhood and I was a walk in the neighborhood dogs. I had a tutoring business. I had a personal training business. So I've had lots of different businesses.

Kari Russell:

So, yes, being an entrepreneur, being my own boss, doing my own thing, has always been part of me.

Kari Russell:

But my my I guess like my corporate or like retail kind of background is I was an assistant manager for a luxury retail wellness brand where I started off as just a part-time floor worker after I had my daughter and worked my way up in the leadership and became their resident goal coach and people manager and that's really where I kind of found my coach in me.

Kari Russell:

It's always been when I was a personal trainer it was always there, was always coaching people. But it was at that role, in my assistant manager role, where I really unlock the coach in me, where I really unlock that, that, that leadership, that personal responsibility, that going first, that holding high standards, having uncomfortable conversations, really being able to see the potential in people and be able to communicate it in a way where they feel activated and expanded by that potential rather than, you know, scared or not feeling good enough, that kind of a thing. So it was at my, at my job as as an assistant manager, that I started coaching and that's I started doing goal coaching workshops, envisioning workshops and leadership workshops with my team, and then that's really what started. My coaching business was taking the work that I was doing with my team and bringing it out into the public.

Emma Clayton:

So I love that, yeah, and and it resonates a lot as well because when I was in my corporate career right, that's where I I just found I was very natural at doing the coaching and I was always sought out to be like a mentor people wanted to know how I had kind of tracked this career up the leadership development path. So there's a big clues in that kind of thing, isn't it? In terms like what's what comes most natural to you in your job and what you love, like what lights you up in that.

Kari Russell:

That kind of leads you to potentially what else you could do beyond corporate, if that's a design there is um, something that I learned while I was there, um around the idea of finding our strengths and and and this is really what kind of like shifted a perspective for me is we can have strengths, but do we feel strong doing them?

Kari Russell:

And the whole point of really unlocking our true authenticity and unlocking our self-expression is not just relying on our strengths, the things that we're good at that people see that we're good at. It's kind of one of those like just because I can doesn't mean I should. For me, I really leaned into not only what I was good at but what I felt strong doing. So I might not be the best on the team at it, but when I'm engaging in it I feel like I'm so strong and powerful and in my element engaging in it. I feel like I'm so strong and powerful and in my element. So I think that that's that's one thing that really helped me start to see and really step into self ownership around the things that I could pull from my corporate retail experience into my business, into my brand, into my relationships with people in and out of that world.

Emma Clayton:

So you started business around. Was it goals and grapes that you said?

Kari Russell:

Goals and grapes.

Emma Clayton:

Yeah, the original iteration of your business and it's evolved into that. And where did this whole self-expression piece come into it? Like what? What did you know? What themes were you picking up on? What did you notice as the common themes that were coming through, that you were like there is something in this, like yeah, award for these women it's really hard to pinpoint the exact moment, because when I do reflect back on my life, I've always been like.

Kari Russell:

I've always been when I like, I want to say like a sexual person, but s x you like. When I think back to my childhood, I was a ham. I wanted to be in front of the camera. I was always doing performances. I was the emcee. A ham, I wanted to be in front of the camera. I was always doing performances. I was the emcee at the Christmas concert in grade two in front of the entire school.

Kari Russell:

I always felt I loved doing oral presentations in class, I loved doing skits. The expressive part of me was always there, so it was undoubtedly in part of everything that I did. Um, so it was, you know, undoubtedly in part of everything that I did. But I do feel like when I hit my late teens, when my body started changing, when my uh, you know, you know puberty happened into my early twenties, I started to lose that part of myself. And so it was through this goal coaching and through this self exploration work and it was actually at an event that was hosted by the company I worked for, that they had invited me to after I stopped working for them, which was again, you know, like divine intervention, like like how things flow together. How things flow together and I was listening to another coach speak and he is very much about expression and very much about self exploration and inner work, and he asked, like a simple question, like where do you, where do you feel most alive? And I instantly had this remembrance of like I feel most alive when I have a microphone in my hand, when I'm using my voice, when I'm presenting, performing, and that was really the moment is like I haven't been allowing myself to do that, I haven't been allowing myself to step into that expression, and so that if I, if I can pinpoint one exact moment in, like my personal life, it would be that, and then in goals and grapes, and then moving into, you know, coaching women in business, really starting to see where their expression was being muted, was being tamed, was being, you know, stifled because of who they thought they needed to be while building their business, what they thought they needed to do and how they thought it should look. Business, what they thought they needed to do and how they thought it should look. And that's where it kind of like all my kind of experience and natural expression kind of came together where it's like, oh my gosh, like these women are, just they're suffocating in these shoulds, in these rules, that unconsciously, most of them that's where they're living. Um, and so that's that's where the the SX and when, when the SX came through, um, it was I was in my hot tub, on my deck, I was, I was you know what wasn't really first originally came through as audacity.

Kari Russell:

That word came through me and that in audacious and audacity, and I was like what is this? What, like what? I'd never used that word before, I never really connected with that word before and that was kind of like the light bulb moment of like, ok, this is the direction that I'm meant to be going in and I'm not going to bore you. But there was many points in the last, I would say, four years where that audacity showed up in branding, in work, in programs, and it led to the SX self-expression and then, as it's morphed again into the new iteration, it's so cool.

Emma Clayton:

So, as you were talking about, you were always like you felt comfortable with the mic in your hand. I was. I was getting these feelings coming up, like I wasn't necessarily ever that um confident in public, but I was behind closed doors like I will. We've had this conversation in some of the groups that you, that you created. Like I was, you know, kylie Minogue in my, in my days um with my hairbrush, in front of the mirror, and as a gymnast, I was very, um very happy to show off in my craft, like with my um ability as a gymnast, but put me in front of a room to speak and I would.

Emma Clayton:

I would definitely be a bit more of a a shell and I think it's so interesting how we lose that like, like you say, that audaciousness yeah, wild to like just going through those really tricky, potentially teen years into our early 20s. So what are some of the things that come up for you in terms of, like, what shuts us down, what makes us lose those parts of us or hide and put those bits in a box and, you know, throw key almost?

Kari Russell:

Yeah, I think that it's so much of what you say there about being like the athlete, like I feel like I just want to touch on that before I answer your question the gymnast, and I think it's so important to acknowledge those parts of ourselves that aren't necessarily like for business or like for for our gifts and our coaching and stuff, but the, the leadership, the, the performance aspect, the being willing to show up and make a mistake in front of everybody and to keep going like that is a big part of uh, like those are. That's one of that those strengths or those skills that we can pull from now as adults, like when we think about the things that we forgot about, that we were good at or that we enjoy doing as kids. Part of the work I do with my people is having them go back in time, remembering those parts of themselves that they've, that they've quieted down. There's many different reasons why that happens, but there's parts of those identities from our past that are just waiting for us to pick them back up and put them back on. So I just wanted to acknowledge that.

Kari Russell:

And then, when it comes to like what I feel again, looking from like childhood to adulthood, I think, as children we're definitely more self centered, we're definitely more like. We don't even notice what anyone else is doing. We're so, you know, egocentric and so we're not even concerned with what other people think of us. We're just so ego driven, so focused on doing what we want and how we want it, because that's what feels good for us. But then, as we get older and we start to notice and we start to like, look around and pay attention to what other people are doing, how other people are reacting to us, how they're receiving us. This is what really, instead of us being, we start worrying more about other people than ourselves and we start looking outside of ourselves for that validation and for that confirmation that what we're doing is right or wrong.

Kari Russell:

And obviously there are so many influences in this our parents, our teachers, our friends, our siblings, our extended family. So we're always at this like the helm of receiving projections from other people. We're always receiving conditioning from others. So I think that it's because of all that that we start to, we start to shut down because it feels safer. We say I want the attention, but we only want certain kinds of attention, and so it really comes down to re-strengthening that personal power, that emotional intelligence, that groundedness, that conviction in who we are and how we want to be showing up. And so I talk a lot about with with the women that I work is we've got to become selfish again. We've got to become self-centered again. We've got to become self-obsessed again.

Kari Russell:

We've got to be willing to, to, to go in and forget about other people, not because we're, uh, bypassing that, that process, because I do feel like there is so much wisdom in paying attention to where we're scared of judgment, what we're worrying about, what other people are think that's all just a mirror back of what's coming out of our own subconscious. But I think it's this, it's this willingness to go back in time and to become more self-centered that will allow us to unlock everything that that that we've, you know, either, buried deep, deep within. That we've, you know, quieted down, that we've shamed Um cause, I know that's that's the process that I had to go through. I had to really stop, really acknowledge where I was putting other people's opinions ahead of what I was experiencing inside, and really deciding to honor myself and to honor my voice and my message and my desires and um trusting that by doing that for myself, it would be a possibility, it would be permission, it would be, um, you know, activating for other women who are experiencing the same thing yeah, and it's.

Emma Clayton:

It's so fascinating because we've obviously all got our very own personal stories and journeys that has led us to here.

Emma Clayton:

But, like when I think of what shut me down, it was definitely like other kids, older kids, boys, yes, particular in the playground and even like sort of in those mid-teens where it's like kind of, and and I think that's when I really sort of acted like I was confident, but inside I was really like struggling and suffering with this lack of validation that I was confident, but inside I was really like struggling and suffering with this lack of validation that I was getting from my peers, from this like push back, and I think that's when a lot of my kind of dumbing down, quietening down happened. But there's also in terms of like me using my voice to sort of say what I wanted or to say what I thought, like you have opinions that go way, way back to having you know a very prominent masculine role model in my life that was always right, that had a very loud voice and would kind of tell you know you're wrong.

Emma Clayton:

Sort of put yourself back in a box, little girl Little girls are to be seen and not heard and like that sounds quite extreme, but over time that kind of did kind of quieten me down. So I think those combination of the two like that really craving that validation from your peers in those really influential hormonal times in the playground, but also coming from this um kind of, I guess, place where it wasn't really safe to have a view and to have a voice uh really impacted then how I went into the workplace at 18 with not much confidence other than this kind of mask that I put on. So I often talk about taking off that mask of fake confidence and bringing your whole self to the table. But that's a whole journey, right? Yep, when we talk about these kind of stories, it helps other people.

Emma Clayton:

The listeners maybe go oh god, yeah, what was my yeah point at which I might have, like made myself smaller? Um, and, and one way I've made myself smaller is actually by putting on weight, which sounds like a bit of a crazy um, what's the word dichotomy? But it is, it's true, because actually when I'm bigger I'm less I don't know less attractive maybe, or I'm just not gonna, I'm, I'm not going to call on the wrong attraction. Right Makes sense. So what are some of the ways that you start to pull out for people to help them sort of identify what is for them? Because I know we don't hang out there. It's how we reclaim those parts of us and we move forward. But how, how do you start to help people kind of with that awareness?

Kari Russell:

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's the conversation that we're having right now, but going back in time and really pinpointing those moments and really being able to like. I talk a lot with my people, getting specific, because so many people, it's like I have a fear of being seen. Well, Kate, like, what does that mean? Like every like, I can ask 10 people and they can all have that same fear of being seen. But underneath that fear of being seen, like what is it? Is it really about being seen, or is it about being told that you're wrong? Right, Is it really about being seen? Or is it about um, overshining somebody else, not wanting to be too bright, and now somebody doesn't feel heard or seen by you? Do you really want to like be seen, like not be seen, or is it that you're that you're scared that you're not going to be liked, that you're going to lose people in your life? So I think, when it comes to working with individuals and for the listeners here, I think it's really about asking yourself to like go deeper. Like, what does that mean? And the question that I always ask people is like what are you making it mean? What are you making it mean? What are you making it mean? Okay, and then what does that mean? Okay, and then what? What are you making that mean? What does that look like and feel like?

Kari Russell:

So it's really about going deeper into like, well, I don't you know, I'm scared of being judged. Okay, Judged about what, specifically? What is it that you are scared of being judged for? Well, I'm scared about being judged because of my uh, I don't feel like I'm pretty enough, Okay, Well, what does what does being pretty look like and feel like for you? Where were you told it pretty had to be a certain way? Or, I'm scared of being judged because, um, you know, I don't want to look like I'm being selfish. Okay, where did you learn that selfish was being wrong? What does look, what does selfish look like and feel like for you? What does it mean when you put your desires first and make them a priority?

Kari Russell:

So, I think because when we talk about these conversations, people can connect and can see themselves in these stories, but it's it's so important to go deeper than that connection and to get to the specifics of what is actually happening. You know what is actually creating that dissonance in your, in your body, from from wanting to hide, from wanting to, to cover from what, from gaining weight, from you know what I mean. From wearing loose and baggy clothes, because that's what feels safe, rather than clothes that you actually desire to wear. From you toning down your language, you know, for me I like I say fuck all the time, but you know that some people would be find that abrasive and find that, you know, off putting. But if I change my language and I changed the way that I want to communicate, then it's not my authentic expression coming through, so it's getting really under the under the surface of what is actually creating that fear, that block, that discomfort.

Kari Russell:

And then I always like to say too like a lot of these things, we feel shame, we feel guilt, we feel embarrassed about, we feel like we're the only ones experiencing these situations, or that we have. We're the only ones who feel a certain way. And by having this open conversation and doing this work in group settings, you start to see that you're not alone. Like we, like every, I've never met anyone who didn't have the fear of being judged. We all fear being judged, right, Like all of these fears that we sometimes use as excuses. There it it's like we, I, I, I have a fear of being judged too, but I know that, like I can sit behind that fear or I can do the thing that I want to do you know what I mean. Like having the conversation and getting to the specifics. It creates a it like removes the power of it from us, and we can regain our power within the fear, within the block, within whatever is surfacing for us.

Emma Clayton:

Yeah, I love that and actually that question that what you're making it mean has like really stuck with me and I actually use it a lot now myself with my clients, yeah, and it's incredibly frustrating at first to be asked that right. It's like, well, what do you mean? What am am I making it mean? But what that does do is it? It makes the word or the description really neutral yes, and it actually does make you go?

Emma Clayton:

oh, yeah, because the next person might have a completely different definition of selfish. For example, someone might say, fuck, yeah, I'm selfish. Of course I am, because the opposite of that would be selfless. And who wants to be less of themselves? Yeah, next person would be like, oh no, I'm like I come last sort of thing and it's so. It really does help you look at those words completely neutrally and and then like untangle that and redefine it right A hundred percent. As you were talking.

Emma Clayton:

I was cast back to this weekend when I held my second retreat and where I was I was cussing, like I was using the F word and stuff, but not for like. Sometimes I do it for effect, but this was just like really natural, and it wasn't like, oh, I shouldn't have said that and I just felt like in those me holding that group space, I am, it's the most natural thing for me to do, right, and it it makes me think about these different versions of ourselves, right, that show up. So so we do put these hats on. So you're a mum, I'm a fair, I'm a fair mum. Yeah, I'm a partner, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm an auntie, I'm all these different kind of roles and like play these different roles for other people.

Emma Clayton:

I'm a friend, I'm a coach, I'm a mentor, I'm a retreat host, I'm a podcaster and there's kind of like slightly different versions of me that I bring forward or that comes naturally in each of those situations. Right, yeah, and and I bring this up because I know you talk about like I'll get you to talk about the versions of ourselves. But when I think about that version of me that showed up in my corporate career, there were a few different versions in that if there were people I felt very comfortable and safe with I, they would see more of me. Perhaps someone that was a senior leader that I felt I had to. Then step into a different version of me. Like what is going on there when we are, when this is happening, and like how, tell us how you view this, because I think it holds a different kind of meaning to a lot of what we might see out there around identity and things like that yeah, this, this.

Kari Russell:

I think this has probably been the biggest part of the identity work that I've done for myself personally and really, um, looking at what we've made and what society and what we hear, like the narrative of identity, work and authenticity and self-expression, and there's this, almost like this unspoken narrative that we should be able to be who we are in every environment, every environment, in every role, in every um, space or relationship, um, and that's I've come. It's just not. Not that it's not possible, it's just it's so limiting by forcing ourselves to be the same way in every like. That, to me, feels inauthentic. Do you know what I mean? Like, when I'm at the soccer pitch with my son, I'm a soccer mom through and through and I am like full in soccer mom mode. That's not who shows up on my coaching calls. Do you know what I mean? Like it's not, it's not, I'm not coach Carrie when I'm on the soccer pitch. Yeah, so a lot of this, the work that I've done in the perspective shifting that I've done around this is we have to stop seeing the fact that we show up differently in different places as something that's bad or wrong. It's not bad or wrong. You're not being fake. You're not being inauthentic. You're actually being the most authentic version of you in that environment, in that moment.

Kari Russell:

Where the work comes in is when we can acknowledge that we're holding ourselves back. It's not that we're being different or expressing ourselves differently in different spaces, in different places. Like I chose to wear a sweatshirt today for this podcast episode I easily could have put on a bodysuit and have you know my cleavage all over the place. Like it really depends on how am I feeling, how do I want to express myself right now, in this moment. Where the issue would be is if I felt like I had to cover up to come to this podcast episode, if I felt like I needed to wear something less revealing in order to appear more professional or more appropriate. That's where we want to be looking at for these identity pieces. It's not the fact that we have these different versions of ourselves. Of course we do. We are multi-passionate, multi-faceted. We're never the same person twice, because our environment will always be different the energy, the weather. Do you know what I mean? The song that's playing on the radio like I'm not saying exactly like I.

Kari Russell:

I really feel like the, the, the, the forcing or the pressure, and this is you know where I in that self-exploration of who are you? That question, it's it. It creates so much stress for people to answer. It's it it creates so much stress for people to answer um, and I've experienced that myself. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Like? We're supposed to know who we are so that we can speak to and call in our people. Um, but who you are, it's always changing and evolving.

Kari Russell:

So it's about releasing the pressure to know who we are and to just be who we are, to just be who we are moment by moment by moment, and then paying attention to what's creating that, that, the retraction or the or the, the restriction in that expression. That's what you want to pay attention to, Not the fact that who I am with you here on this podcast episode looks and feels and sounds different than who I am when I'm snuggled on the couch with my son, or when I'm shopping with my daughter, or when I'm meeting girlfriends for drinks at the winery, Like it, it, that's not what. Where the inauthenticity comes into play, yeah.

Emma Clayton:

Yeah, I can talk on that forever.

Kari Russell:

So I'm just gonna to. I'm very passionate about this because I feel so many women feel that they need to be one version right. It's this or that and it's not. It's this, that, all and both, total, whole, all.

Emma Clayton:

Yeah, who am I being right here right now? Yes, and is there any holding back, any force, any like resistance, any right whatever? Making myself small coming up? Yeah, and I think that's that's really kind of key also for my listener. That's likely to be sat in, you know, senior leadership team meetings and sat around the boardroom, and a lot of the time I get women that come to me they are holding back from saying something that's on the tip of their tongue.

Emma Clayton:

Perhaps it's like a moral or an ethics kind of thing that they want to call out, but they don't feel safe enough to do it's kind of like there are those kind of challenges that I think we come up against in corporate, in that more kind of patriarchal masculine kind of challenges that I think we come up against in corporate, in that more kind of patriarchal masculine kind of environment that we're not necessarily going to change, but it's like how do we just bring a little bit more? How do we become, how do we choose our battles, how do we like choose our moments and like, how do we know when it's like important to us? Yeah, we don't walk away and let that stew. And I think that was always the thing for me was sitting in those meetings like I got like described as a bit of a barometer so I could really sense check the mood in the room. I could tell that he over there was not happy.

Emma Clayton:

I could tell that you know that one had checked out over there and that perhaps that one was just saying what they thought they needed to say, to sort of please, yeah, I had this like I've really kind of felt like I had this good handle on what was going on in the room but I could never call it because I never felt brave enough to like call it um, and I feel like that's where a lot of my um I came up against myself and like that's where I used to beat myself up for not having, you know, not being brave enough or not like having a voice, and like hiding and things like that.

Emma Clayton:

And then that's when all the imposter syndrome kind of thoughts come in, like I'm not cut out for this, I shouldn't be here, like they're going to take away my salary any day and like down a couple of bands like what, what is your kind of approach and best advice for those kind of environments where it's it's tough, the environment is tough, the circumstances are not something that you have much control over, but obviously you have all this kind of inner jostling going on about. Should I, shouldn't I?

Kari Russell:

yeah, and I think so. There's a couple ways that I think about this. So we can't ignore the fact that when we are working for somebody else, there are rules of engagement that they have created that we then get to choose. Do we want to play? And so I think this comes down to us knowing, like, our own individual non-negotiables when am I willing to, you know, pick my battles? Where am I willing to, you know, follow the rules of the corporation? That I like, I think it's, it's a gut check for ourselves first. Right, because we can't control what other people are doing and other people are saying and how other people receive us. We can't control that. So we have to decide for ourselves first, like do I do I desire to continue being in this environment? Am I willing?

Kari Russell:

What are my non-negotiables, what are my core values, what are the things that I'm not willing to sacrifice on in my expression, in my, in my you know responsibilities, my roles, what I'm, you know, what I'm doing, what I'm not doing, really getting clear on that, on those non negotiables for ourselves, so that the things that we can't control for the environments or the people or the spaces, we can shift our perspective around it, and I think a lot of the times and you know I'm speaking to my own personal, like each everyone has their own experience in corporate and, to be honest, like I don't think that I could, could call my role that I was doing a corporate role, it was. I was lucky to be in a very accepting culture of a company that I worked for, that that really focused on leadership and and personal responsibility and self ownership. But there it's where we have to understand. It's like what am I not willing to sacrifice on and in the things that? Okay, how can I shift my perspective around this? How can I? How can I see this?

Kari Russell:

Not that I'm not being brave, it's not that I'm not being brave, it's that I'm not actually in an environment where my braveness, where my courage, will be received. So it's like am I going to waste my energy feeling bad and shitty about myself, or am I going to find different ways to use that bravery, to use that courage? Because I think sometimes we make it mean things about ourselves that don't it's not actually true. You know what I mean mean things about ourselves that don't it's not actually true. You know what I mean. Like in that scenario, if you were given proof time and time again that the people aren't going to receive your voice, your ideas. It's not that you're not being brave or courageous. You're being smart Because you're not putting yourself in a situation to be. You know what I mean to be, to create, do you know?

Emma Clayton:

what I mean yeah.

Kari Russell:

And so I feel like, um, in those situations it's it's really taking stock of of what your own core values are and is the organization, is the corporation that you are associated with, aligned with that Cause? If it's not aligned with that, you have a choice, and I know this sounds very like like like no, there's no other job, or it's hard, and I and a hundred percent. Like a like no, there's no other job, or it's hard and I, 100%, like, 100%, honor that. But then that's where you have a choice. How am I going to realign so that where I am right now isn't something where I'm in constant imposter, constant self-doubt, constant? How can I shift my perspective? What? What are the ways in which I can, you know, be brave and be courageous within the environment that I, that I'm in?

Kari Russell:

It's like we wouldn't show up naked to a funeral. Do you know what I mean? Like I want to. I want to wear a bikini to a. Well, we wouldn't do that, because that's the rules of engagement at a funeral, and so we honor that. Do you know what I mean? So I think it's about looking at what are the things were, how can we honor ourselves, but also acknowledging that we've chosen to honor the rules of engagement of the corporation or the environment, or the scenario that's there and if, and that's where it comes to be like. What are those? What are those lines in the sand for you? What are you willing to sacrifice, what are you not willing to sacrifice, and how can you play within that?

Emma Clayton:

Yeah, and just thinking about the funeral, kind of analogy like where do you push the boundaries a bit Because you know if the person was very colourful and you know normally rule of engagement is you turn up in black, do you push the boundaries a little bit by turning up in honor of that person with a bit more color on it's that kind of thing, right and I think that's where it's so nuanced, right, it's so nuanced with, with the, the and obviously there will be like someone who just truly does not care about the rules of engagement and show up and do whatever they want and all the power to them, all the power to them.

Kari Russell:

But I think this is where, for me at least, there is this level of respect or this level of understanding or this level of um. It all comes at what I'm willing to sacrifice and not sacrifice for myself. You know what I mean. What are the? What I'm willing to sacrifice and not sacrifice for myself. You know what I mean. What are the things I'm willing to compromise on and what are the things that are non-negotiables for me?

Emma Clayton:

I wish I'd found you earlier as I transitioned from that world into the world of like having your own business, entrepreneurship, whatever you want to call it, because this like there's almost like a safety in a sense, like in hindsight, there was still an element of safety because I could say the thing or not say the thing and I'm still going to get paid at the. If I don't say the thing, I'm probably not going to get paid because I'm not being that true, I'm not bringing into existence the things that I want to like share with the world and have people to hear. So like that transition was huge for me and I'm seven years in and I'm really only just through things like opening my mouth and speaking on a podcast. You know, I've been very open about this. My very first podcast was just to get me talking, just to open my mouth and and like start to share my views of the world.

Emma Clayton:

Right, this one has been way more intentional, but still it's a practice. It's a practice of noticing when you you know I'm I'm trying to be too scripted or too professional or I actually get to the end of it and I didn't make the point I really wanted to make. And why? Why did I not do that? Did it not like? So it brings up so much stuff right, especially us in personal brands. We are our person as a business. We are our person as a business and I know you'll talk about your business evolution in a minute but those kind of rules and those terms of engagement that we learn through the corporate world especially, cannot necessarily serve us in our own business Exactly so. It's a whole load of other boxes we've got to break out of and rules we've got to break, right.

Kari Russell:

Yeah, and I think what you said there, emma, about like starting your podcast first, just to start using your voice, that it's yes, yes, like you know what I mean Like that's so it's so important because it's it's we have to be willing, like you know the saying like you gotta um, you gotta be willing to suck in order to become a master. Like you got to be willing to not be good at something to become good at like, and you know the cost of engagement is embarrassment or whatever whatever those you know cliche sayings are. But we don't, we won't.

Kari Russell:

Oftentimes we spend too much time thinking about these, breaking these rules and thinking about what we want to do and thinking about how we're going to do it, and all of that thinking is just a projection based on who we are right now. It's not actually the truth of when we're actually in the moment and doing it. And so each of those moments where you look back and like, oh, I was being too scripted. Okay, that's not bad or wrong, that's just giving you another piece of the puzzle. It's just giving you another opportunity to go okay, what was it about? Why did I feel I need that script? What was it? What was? What did I really want to say?

Kari Russell:

And I think it's just, it's really about just letting ourselves be messy, letting ourselves make mistakes, letting ourselves learn, like all of these, like failures you know, failures, fuck-ups and faux pas, like though it's part of the process. And so I think it's just like, as entrepreneurs, more moving from a corporate or a career into our own business, we have to really pay attention to those unconscious rules that we bring with us, because so many of us we want the freedom to be who we are. We want the freedom to do what we want and say what we want and how we want and when we want. And then, when we are given that freedom, we're like I don't know what the fuck to do. How do I do it?

Emma Clayton:

like we go back into wanting the, the job description, yeah, when really it's really just about like just doing and being and and expressing yeah, and that's, I think, the biggest thing, and that's what, like I always say thanks for the loving smackdown and the kick up the bum that you give me. It is like I have spent years thinking about how I could just be doing things differently and actually the only way we're gonna is that trial and error right of the three line it's like yeah put it out.

Emma Clayton:

Put something out there. It's one bit of content, it's one podcast episode, it's one post. Put it out. Put something out there. It's one bit of content, it's one podcast episode, it's one post. Put it out there. And then get back up the next day and and do another one. Like, do it again and just through that you're learning, um to hone that muscle, to like hone that voice and all the things. So I love that and I appreciate you for the loving smackdowns over the last year and going into this year because um ain't going nowhere. So tell us I feel like we could talk about this, like there's so much we could talk about and maybe it's a conversation for later on in the year but tell us all the sexy things you've done with your brand and, like, just give us the like overview of how you work with people moving forward and how people can get hold of you.

Kari Russell:

Yeah, all right. So, yes, this, this episode is being recorded. The morning after I, like quote unquote officially released the new brand and the new signature space in the new brand. For my entire business career I've used well, goals and Grapes was the first one, and then I transitioned into my name, keri Russell Coaching. I am Keri Russell, just using my name, and at the end of the summer last year I had a very divine intervention moment and felt this you know, it's like you don't know what you don't know until you know, and it was in that moment I realized how I had actually been pigeonholing myself.

Kari Russell:

So the SX, my old brand, or you know, as of yesterday's brand, was very edgy, very provocative, very black, white and red, very focused and, unknowingly, very niched all around self-expression, branding, identity. But really around self-expression and how I was, I would say it's not so much the content that I was feeling stifled in, it was the expression of the content and how my brand had really, um, almost where I felt like I had to be cheeky, I had to be provocative, I had to be, you know, double entendres with my wording and with things, because that was, that was the impact that I was making was this. You know this provocation. I really wanted to this. You know this provocation. I really wanted to like, you know, gut punch people. I want it, I want like, and it's still part of me, it's still part of my brand, it's still part of me, but it had become all of my brand and so I didn't realize that I was feeling this way, until I realized I was feeling this way and and I started to play and really, you know, remind my.

Kari Russell:

Lots of different things happened over the last six to eight months where I was reminded of past versions of myself, past identities, past roles, past skills that I had used and it started to like oh right, I forgot about that. Or oh, my gosh, I haven't, I haven't talked about that, or I haven't shared that or haven't expressed that in so long, or why have I been hiding that part of myself? But not consciously hiding, it's just. It was almost like just forgotten about a community creating a space for women, you know, women specifically but for all individuals to really give themselves that permission to be all of who they are, to play in all of who they are, to be contradictory, to be bold and spicy and provocative, and also warm and sappy and silly, and not again everything that I talk about and stand for, but in a more open and expressive brand now. So Club Yellow is the new brand and again yellow, the color yellow, the way it came through, and I could talk for hours about it, so I'm not, I'm not going to give the backstory it I could talk for hours about it, so I'm not, I'm not gonna give the backstory.

Kari Russell:

But the new brand is club yellow and like club yellow it's, it's a club and we think about, like originally when it was like babysitters club. You know the books and the stories and the and the end of, and how individual you know, differentiated, the, the, the characters were in that story, um, having like a, uh, like a clubhouse, a space to come and explore and and that permission to, to take the masks off, to let go of the should, to color outside the lines, like, truly just a place of permission, a place to be and in, in, um, explore, expand and express is really, is really what Club Yellow is all around. And then, where this cheeky, spicy, salty side of me gets to still play within Club Yellow is in the yellow high heel, and the yellow high heel is an SX club. It's a virtual SX club and there I do have, you know, future plans for inperson and retreats and stuff, but right now it's virtual and it kind of stemmed from my love of spicy romance novels and the awakening that I've had from reading and learning and shifting my perspective.

Kari Russell:

But it's like when you step inside the yellow high heel there's different rooms that you get to enter and so the rooms are all very different. There's a very different vibe, a very different energy, very different focus. There's mindset. There's, there's like power and an embodiment. There's, you know, playing around with your expression and getting creative and messy. There's, you know, a visionary room where it's all about going in and envisioning and really looking at what it is that you want.

Kari Russell:

There's, you know, just, it's just, it's like a club and every room you enter it's a different experience for you and it gives you that permission to be, to have polar you know polarizing personalities, to have different ways of wanting.

Kari Russell:

Wanting to be that bold ass baddie but also wanting to be this, like, you know, soft and warm and nurturing uh soul. And wanting to be this like loud, and you know, you know, out there persona, but also wanting to have this like loud and you know out there persona, but also wanting to have the like hermit energy and the quiet and the calm. So this Club Yellow and the Yellow High Heel is truly just the awareness and expansion of all of my own you know identities and versions of me, and it's just inviting other women to come play with me now, right, so the the tagline for club yellow is um, come as you are, play as um. Come as you are, evolve as you play. There's very much this playful, giving ourselves that permission to play. And then the yellow high heel, it's uh. The tagline is dare to enter, because it is, it's a daring, it's a daring, uh place to be.

Emma Clayton:

So, yeah, it feels so good. It feels so good to enter that it sounds amazing. I'm super excited to see how it all unfolds for you and, of course, I'm there. I'm in it, coming in, diving in. Um love that. Thank you so much. And so I know we're just doing a switch over of handles on Instagram and stuff, but we'll make sure the show notes are reflective of okay, land amazing, thank you but you're on Instagram and TikTok, right?

Kari Russell:

yes.

Emma Clayton:

Instagram and TikTok. Yeah, perfect, carrie. Thank you so much for coming. I really do want to continue this conversation and I do feel like maybe it's, you know, six to nine months down the line where things have like really started to evolve for you and like you've got some like we can continue this conversation A hundred percent.

Kari Russell:

Thank you. Thank you so much. This has been great, and thank you to your audience. Thank you.

Emma Clayton:

Thank you, love you Until next time, guys, take care.

People on this episode

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Emma Clayton

Host
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Kari Russell

Guest