The Modern LeadHer Way

[080] Escape the Stress Cycle Now to Enjoy Retirement Later

• Emma Clayton • Season 4 • Episode 80

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In this episode of The Modern LeadHer Way, I’m back from a short intentional break and ready to share insights from my recent time away. Join me as I reflect on the importance of truly switching off and reconnecting with ourselves, especially in today’s fast-paced world.

Key Highlights:

  • The struggle to unwind and disconnect during vacations and the pressure of constantly being “switched on.”
  • Understanding the autonomic nervous system and its effects on our physical and emotional well-being.
  • The significance of mindfulness and being present in our daily lives to combat low level chronic stress.
  • An introduction to my upcoming time out retreat, designed to provide a space for relaxation and self-exploration.
  • Encouragement to implement practices for switching off in our own lives and prioritising mental, physical, and emotional health.


The next Margate TIME OUT retreat is on 22nd March, get your ticket here: https://www.emmaclaytonxo.com/courses/time-out-retreat-spring25

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Emma Clayton:

This is the Modern Leader Way, the podcast for corporate career women who want to feel good on their way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the modern leader way podcast. I hope you're doing well. I am back after a short break that I booked intentionally to give myself my own time out, following the second time out retreat that I hosted in margate on the first of Feb and, interestingly, what I witnessed in myself when I got away it's just five days, four nights. My folks were out in Tenerife for a few weeks. They had a spare bed for a few nights, so I took the opportunity to get out there, but what I noticed was it was really hard for me to properly switch off, and it's not the first time I've witnessed this in myself, especially on holiday. I think it really brings it into the forefront, right, and you're like, oh, notice this sort of jittery energy about, or what could I be doing right now laying by the pool? What could I be doing? Could I be listening to something, could I be learning something? Could I be like catching up on something? Really noticed that was quite prevalent by the time I got to the pool on day one and it just made me chuckle, because what I know about myself is when I notice something like that, I also get to pull on my tools and do something about it. And the one quickest way for me to kind of get out of my head and get out of that kind of frantic need to be doing something energy is to just reconnect get out of my head, reconnect to my body. And we can do this in a number of different ways, um, mindfulness being the one. Like really just being present, being present in my surroundings. Being present in my surroundings, being present in my senses, what can I feel like? Feeling the sun, the warmth of the sun on my skin, feeling the breeze running through my head and my arms, smelling the familiar smells of holiday right, whether pleasant or not, looking around and having a feast for my eyes, just the cloudless sky and the colours of the water and the sun glistening off the water, like really just getting present in my body.

Emma Clayton:

And it's interesting because this is why I create the time out retreats, because when you walk through the door of that retreat, of that day, you leave your baggage behind, you leave your to-do list behind. There is nothing for you to do, nowhere for you to be, nothing for you to worry about and everything is taken care of. And this is kind of how I open up and introduce the day. Is that actually? This is your true time out, for you to get out of your head and into your body, to step away from the chaos and into the calm, because this is how it gets to be. This is a state that you get to create for yourself when you leave. And I give a lot of tools throughout the day that are experienced during the day so that when you find what feels good for you, you can replicate that at home, right? So I know it's not always possible for people to take time out and go to something like that, but that is that is my genuine intention is to really create that safe space for you to drop everything and to really sit with some of the stuff that comes up when you do.

Emma Clayton:

And now, the purpose of this is also twofold, because what we do in our busy modern day lives, where we're constantly switched on is we are forcing our body to operate in a state of switched onness. So our sympathetic nervous system, this fight or flight mode, is constantly switched on because we're constantly got somewhere to be, we've constantly got someone to help, we've got something to do, we're always thinking of what we're doing next, we're always like thinking of 101 things to do right, and that creates this fight or flight mode where cortisol is running through our bodies, our digestion kind of shuts down and we're alert. Right, we're constantly alert, scanning the horizon for, like, the next thing and I exaggerate a little bit because this is what we know to be the stress response and our bodies are actually designed to respond in a state of stress, in like the threat of danger. But unfortunately, due to our modern day lives and due to constantly being switched on, we have this low level of chronic stress that we live in, and so our bodies are still producing cortisol and are still like, perhaps not digesting our food so much because the body is sending its resources to our extremities to be ready to run, to like to our brain to like be alert and all those things, and we are not designed to be in that state all the time, and so it is really down to us to literally flick that switch off and into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is where rest, restoration can come in, is where our cells can replenish and our body can start to digest our food. Like focus on digesting our food, for example and this is a real, this is a scientific piece, I'm not making this up um, we're either in that stress state or we're completely switched off and we're allowing our body to restore, and most people in today's world are only really switching off when they go to sleep. And that's just. It's not enough, especially if we are going to sleep. From that switched on to going to sleep. There's no like transition period there either.

Emma Clayton:

Many of you may have like your little switch off practices in the evening, for example. So maybe you are busy with getting kids to school in the morning, getting their packed lunches ready, getting yourself off to work. Maybe you work from home and that's, that's cool. You can get your lunch at your own time. You can even think about dinner for the evening and get some washing on and stuff. But generally throughout the day you are are switched on. You are responding to emails, you are picking up the phone, you are multitasking at your best, and maybe in the evening, once the kids have gone to bed, you are finally sitting down on the sofa with a cup of nighttime tea, putting your feet up, and that's your like switch off time.

Emma Clayton:

But I also want to challenge you to what it is that you do and when you are switched off, like, do you actually switch something else on? Like, do you? Is that the time that you pick up your phone and start scrolling through social media and catching up on everyone else's lives on there? Is that the time you turn on Netflix and watch the latest, whatever series you're watching? Um, and this is no judgment, right?

Emma Clayton:

Because, because I do this too, I get into periods, especially in the winter, as soon as the nights start drawing in in autumn, I start sitting in front of the TV as soon as it gets dark, and you know I'm still coming out of winter, right? So I'm currently on series four, I think it is, of six seasons of Vikings, which I've put off watching for so long because I knew I was just going to get addicted to it and want to watch back to back and binge on them, which I have been doing, and I've been doing it in the evening when I've put my laptop down. But do you know what? What I've noticed is I'm still going to bed, quite stressed, because I've just watched another all out war with axes and swords and blood and gore and all the things, and my favourite character has just been killed and you know it's affecting my sleep, it's affecting my dream state, it's affecting how restless I am. What I'm thinking about first thing in the morning. So actually my sleep is not fully restful either.

Emma Clayton:

So I encourage you to sort of take stock and think about how much you feel like you're spending time in this like real switched on in. The sympathetic nervous system is switched on, that is, you're ready to fight or flight. You're fully alert. You are perhaps productive and really like very effective in that as well, but nonetheless you're switched on versus the time that you're spent like truly relaxed. And if you think about me by the pool, that wasn't me being truly relaxed, that was still me trying to fill my time with things to do because I'm so used to going around in quite a heightened state of activity, of switched on-ness, and I'm a lot better than I used to be, a lot better. So when you have an idea of.

Emma Clayton:

Oh yeah, I could probably really improve on how much downtime I'm getting, like even in the bath. Like I love my bath, I would sit in the bath for, or lay in the bath for, two hours at a time. If only the water remained hot and I have to wait for it to heat up every time I start running the tap, so it doesn't always work out for me. It's more cold than anything by the time I've tried to top it up. But I will take my phone in the bath and I'll be scrolling. I'll be responding to people. I'll be watching little snippets and memes and sending memes and funny things to my friends. I might be listening to something, learning something, catching up on something that I wanted to watch from earlier. I might be listening to a podcast.

Emma Clayton:

I'm not actually really switched off, and by switched off I mean like switched off in the sense that you are just present with what is happening here and now. Like I said, around the pool, sun, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. Oh, what a feeling that is. Just looking at that bright blue sky and looking around me and noticing, like, the paths of sunbeds and, yeah, just looking at the sun glistening off the the pool and watching people swim or having conversations, or just hearing like distant sounds. And as you hear me talk about this, I wonder if you can just stop for a moment to reflect on how often are you, like, truly present and do you get that?

Emma Clayton:

It's only when we allow ourselves to truly switch off, get out of our head and into our body we connected to our body that we allow ourselves to take a breath, to truly relax and allow the body to start restoring. Things Like this is not some woo-woo thing. This is like necessary for the nervous system to come into balance, for one, for the body to find that sort of homeostasis, like that balance, and get out of this perpetual low, low state of stress, chronic stress, because if you are like the majority of the women that I work with, the chances are you work bloody hard now a to have the lifestyle that you do enjoy right now, to have the things and go the places and on the holidays, and have the car and the possessions and everything that you want, the experiences that you want to have now for you and your family, for you and your partner, for you yourself. And you're also thinking about your future. You're thinking about your future financial security In retirement. You may be even thinking if I work really hard and I get another promotion in the next few years and that comes with a decent pay rise, then maybe even I will be able to retire early.

Emma Clayton:

And if you're thinking like that, I am going to put money on the fact that you want to enjoy your retirement. You want to enjoy the fruits of your labor. It's exactly what my mom and dad are doing now in their my mom's late 60s, my dad's 71. You know they're spending five weeks in in a hot, sunny country in January, like February. Who doesn't want to do that? Whatever your flavor of that is, you want to enjoy it. You want to be healthy. You want to feel vibrant and energized.

Emma Clayton:

In doing that, you don't want to be having the knock-on effects, the physical manifestations of having low chronic stress, low levels of chronic stress throughout your entire life because you worked hard to get to this point. When we start to experience physical pain bad knees, bad backs, digestive problems, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, that kind of thing yes, of course, when we get to our 40s, likely perimenopause is coming into play, likely hormonal shifts and changes are starting to be experienced. But those physical symptoms and problems that we get are, nine times out of 10, unless they're from physical injury or accidents nine times out of 10, it's going to be because of this low level, chronic stress that we've been experiencing and it's the body's way of screaming at us. It's the body's way of saying come on like, let up a bit and switch off some more. So if you want to be enjoying the fruits of your labour, your retirement, in the future, the time is now A to learn how to switch off, truly switch off, to be able to just be present with nowhere to be and nothing to do, which is what I try and do. Try and create for you the experience of through the time out retreats, but you want to be able to do this on your own right so that you can also, when you stop working, when you go from all to nothing in terms of, like, your responsibilities, you know how to switch off and you know how to enjoy that time and you know that that's enough just to be switched off and not switched on. You recognise the difference in your physiological body. It recognises it and it sighs a sigh of relief because it's thanking you for slowing down and shutting off, that switched on-ness and you get to enjoy it. So we want to be putting those positive habits into place now. We want to be learning how to switch off now.

Emma Clayton:

And if we think back to 2020, and everyone was locked down, who wasn't faced with a bit of oh my God, what do I do with myself Now? I have nowhere I can go and perhaps I still have like a full work day, but after that I have nowhere to go, nowhere, no one to see, nothing to like run around for anyone else for, like, what do I do with myself? And a lot of people struggled in that time because they didn't have the tools to just switch off. What I want for you is that you get the benefits of slowing down, of switching off now, that you get to reap the rewards of that in your physical health, in your mental health, in your energetic health and your spiritual health, because this goes beyond just the physical manifestations of stress, but also when our mind can, like, literally switch off.

Emma Clayton:

Imagine that I never thought it was possible for my mind to quieten. I thought it was always going to be that inner critic, that monkey mind constantly telling me I needed to do more, constantly telling me I couldn't get it right, constantly telling it, telling me I was a failure. I never thought I'd quieten that and actually through a lot of these tools and processes that I've learned along the way, I have managed to quieten that mind. But I've also noticed the aliveness I get to feel in my body when I do switch off and I do become more present, and that, to me, is what it means to be alive. So this is me really introducing where we're going next with the podcast. So we've just had a bit of a stint on like using our voice in leadership. Now I want to shift it back into the health conversation and, in particular, with an eye on this stressed state that we walk around in that you might resonate with, you might not, and if you're not, then great, keep doing the things you're doing. So I'm going to have a few more guests on to talk about things like the breath, like how important the breath is and how we can implement something like breath work into our days to help us switch off, to signal to our body that it's safe, to switch out of the sympathetic nervous system that's switched on state and into the parasympathetic nervous system where we get to rest and replenish and restore. I'm going to have someone to come on and talk about their practices in yoga, for example, and I'll have many other guests that will come and talk to us about some more of these practices and I will also be sharing a little sneak peek into what goes on in the timeout retreat.

Emma Clayton:

At the time of recording, there is another retreat coming up on the 22nd of March. It's going to be the last time I get to hold this at the Margate Beach House, which is just the perfect location for some luxurious time out. You know my previous guests have absolutely loved the house, the location. It's on the beach, so you get out at lunchtime for a nice fresh air. The ladies have their feet in the sand and the water. This on the 1st of February, would you believe it. We get to just enjoy some beautifulishing, nutritious, home-cooked food and some juices, some sweet treats and lots of hot drinks.

Emma Clayton:

And, yeah, I'm going to give you lots and lots of tools. You're going to experience some of those tools. We're going to really ground you into the here and now, get you out of your head into your body. We're going to get some stuff up and out of you that perhaps has been there that you weren't even aware was still there. Um, it's just gonna let that stuff go. We're going to experiment with a few tools and find what feels good for you so that you can take those tools back with you and start implementing it into your day. So if you are around on the 22nd of March, which is a Saturday um in Margate Kent, I invite you to join me. Follow the link in the show notes and if you're listening after the event, then you'll see the link to the waitlist so you can add yourself to that. And as soon as I have a new venue and new dates for summer of 2025, I will make sure that you get first dibs at the tickets when they come online.

Emma Clayton:

This really is not something I expected to be so successful and that seems like the wrong word, but in hindsight it's like. Of course it is, because this is me just sharing my passion for you. Basically, you get to feel good on your way to achieving the success that you want, and if you're already achieving the success that you imagined but you're not enjoying it fully, then this is what I want to change for you. I want to change that reality for you. I want to change that reality for you and by taking you out of your day-to-day lives and just giving you that real immersive experience, you will take a little bit of that home with you and just start to notice the changes in your life as you move through it. And if you are not one for group settings it is a small group, um, we had six people last time, we had seven. The time before that it's eight, eight max capacity plus myself. So if you're not one for small groups and you just like that one-to-one connection and you feel like you and I might have that connection that we can make and have a great day together.

Emma Clayton:

I also run VIP days, so that's where you get to come to me or I'll come to you and we get to spend the day together. If you come to me, it's generally we go out in the van. We have a day fully immersed in nature where we're really getting you present, grounded out of your head into your body, and really connecting you to what it is that you want and what it is that you're going out for and why it is that you're working so hard and what it is that you can make tweaks to your working life so that you actually get to start to enjoy some of the fruits of your labour now and not putting it off until one day in the future when you finally retire. So if that's something that might interest you as well, then feel free to reach out. About one of my VIP days, I also have accommodation here. I have an Airbnb at my house, which many of one-to-one client have come and had, enjoyed their VIP day and stayed as well in the hut, so that's also an option. If you're having to travel, I'm also happy to travel to you. So, yeah, that's what I have for you today.

Emma Clayton:

If you have any ahas from this, then please do let me know in the comments section or send us a text. I will be back next time with some guests talking about some awesome stuff around mindfulness and presence practices that you can implement in your everyday. I would love it if you could do me a favour. If you love listening in every week and tuning into the show, if you would just share it. Share it on your social media, to your instagram stories, on linkedin, tag me. I will be forever grateful. It really does help to spread the word and get more listeners tuned in and benefiting from all the juicy goodness that we have to share on the show. So thank you in advance for that. I will see you next time. Guys, take care.

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