[086] Tending to Endings Creates Space for New Beginnings

Endings, whether of relationships, jobs, or special places, deserve to be honoured with our full attention and emotions. By properly tending to life's conclusions, we create the space needed to embrace new beginnings with openness and excitement.
In this solo episode we cover:
• The recent retreat at the Margate beach house marked the end of an era as the family home is being sold
• Why creating intentional time alone to process emotions about endings is essential for closure
• Past meaningful endings included leaving a first home, saying goodbye to long-term workplaces
• Physically experiencing final moments through all senses creates powerful closure rituals
• Expressing emotion during transitions is healthy and necessary, not a weakness
• Writing heartfelt messages of gratitude helps process endings and honour what was
• New VIP one-on-one retreat offerings for women at career crossroads starting summer
• Personalised days exploring human design, values, and purpose for those considering career changes

If you're interested in having a VIP timeout day with me, message "VIP" and I will come back with details. These are glorious days to facilitate your breakthrough in determining what's next in your life.

The next Margate TIME OUT retreat is on 22nd March, get your ticket here: https://www.emmaclaytonxo.com/courses/time-out-retreat-spring25

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Retreat Reflections
• 3:13 Quality Time and Self-Care
• 5:22 The Emotions of Endings
• 9:03 Honoring Past Goodbyes
• 13:03 Tending to Your Endings
• 16:21 New Beginnings and VIP Retreats

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

This is the Modern Leader Way the podcast for corporate career women who want to feel good on their way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment, both in and out of work. Hello, welcome back, and it's just me again today. I hope you're well. I hope you're enjoying the spring that has finally sprung. It's a blue sky here.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Um, at the time of recording and I've just got back off the last retreat at the margate beach house uh, the third retreat that I ran in six months. It was very different because you know, every time you get different people there, it's a very different dynamic. No one knew each other this time and um, but it was beautiful. It was just so lovely to hold that space and I feel like I'm in my absolute element, facilitating that real quality time out to get out of your head and like reconnect to your body, and the feedback has just been so glorious. Um, we've had people that have had more sleep since then than they've had in, you know, weeks. Um, actually being able to quieten their mind. When they were, you know, they were really holding on to this belief that I can't do that. I just it's not something that I can do. I can't quiet my mind, I'm always switched on. And to actually be able to learn some tools to be able to switch that off and then know that you can tap into that anytime is you know that's my mission, complete right. So, yeah, it was a really wonderful day.

Speaker 1: 1:43

I had three people staying over so we had fun on the beach with the cold plunge. They all got in for more than three minutes. I think one stayed in for about 10 minutes and she was adamant she wasn't going to get in. So they all conquered their fears when it came to the cold water and we went back and sat in the hot tub and had some dinner together and woke up to the views of the sea and had a nice chilled morning, some some scrummy breakfast. So, um, I had what I did this time, um was I learned from the last two times? Because you know it's quite a shame when you've got to say goodbye to everyone after that real kind of like buzzing 24 hours and then you're on your own and you've got to like tidy up, pack your stuff back up, pack the van back up, drive home, unpack the van the other end and then put everything away. It's kind of a bit of an anti-climax.

Speaker 1: 2:37

So this time I decided I was going to stay for one more night on my own and I was going to give myself some spaciousness and some quality time out myself. Right, because holding space like that is actually as much as it's the most natural thing for me to do. It can take of my energy too, so I just wanted to make sure that I was going to give back to myself. I put myself in for a massage on the Monday afternoon and the Sunday I just didn't. I didn't leave, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't have anywhere to be, I didn't have anything to do, I didn't want to listen to anything, I just wanted to sit in the top bedroom and watch the tide come in. And that's exactly what I did. I started about, I know, just after midday and it was high tide just before 6 pm. I literally sat there and watched out the window and it was just perfect. And the other reason I wanted to do this not just to give myself the time out, but was to give myself this last kind of real quality 24 hours in my sister's home because they're selling it, which is why it's the last time I'm going to be hosting there.

Speaker 1: 3:44

And you know, with that comes such emotion because it's the end of an era. It's the end of an era for my sister and her family who, you know, the kids grew up there. Dusty was born there. Huxley was only young when she came down from London with her mum and dad, so it's kind of what they've known as their safe space, as their home. They have a new home now in um, sussex, so that's not a problem. They've had to move due to schools and you know they're settling there, which is wonderful. But this was their little family home and they lovingly renovated it like it was. It had potential. They saw the potential. My sister's got such a vision. My brother-in-law has got the you know, the know-how and, yeah, they've done it and they've done a lot of it themselves and it's just really got their stamp on it, you know. And so it's the end of an era for them and for us, because they've hosted the last few Christmases there um, they have hosted the most like original birthday parties on the lawn right by the sea there.

Speaker 1: 4:59

It's like it would be hard to replicate that right. And this is the thing with endings come a lot of stuff, because it's going to touch on the endings that we've had in the past and it's almost like when you can tend to an ending, then something new can begin. So for me, to you know, know, sit there and be able to reflect on the fact that, you know, my sister and brother-in-law have kindly enabled me to run three retreats for me to see the magic of the space that I hold, using the magic of their space to hold it in, and I could be really sad about that, and I am. I am sad about and I could be really sad about that and I am sad about it, but I could be really sad about that and go well, that's it. Then I can't replicate that anywhere else, or I could look back and see it for what it was, as a real beautiful enabler and experience for me to really be in, um, the safety of you know doing it. They're very like risk-free as far as I'm concerned, um, and you know show that I can actually make this work. So, yeah, I really sat with that.

Speaker 1: 6:19

I knew there was going to be some emotion come up and it took until about an hour before I left for that emotion to come up and it was interesting because I was thinking back to all the times where I have tended to endings and one of the the like for me, when I built my first house, I bought it with my partner. At the time we split up before I left there and actually I met Adam a couple of years later and we bought this house together that we're in now and actually on the day we moved out, I just wanted a moment to be in my empty shell of a home that I'd been in for seven years, that I had, that I'd had many happy times in and I had a bit of an emotional meltdown because you know, back then I wasn't really good at, um, showing emotions. I had to be on my own, I had to shut everyone else out and I had to just allow myself a moment to really cry, to sob it out that I was leaving this space and it held such happy memories for me. And you know, there's still that intrepidation of like am I doing the right thing? Like I'm buying a big house, like it was a big upgrade for us, um, I was moving in with Adam, like officially we were joint tenants on the lease, on the, on the mortgage, um, it was a stretch, you know, it wasn't like a little little jump, it was, it was a big stretch. So I also had that um in there around, like am I doing the right thing? But I allowed myself to have the emotion and to let it all out. And I think that was a really beautiful thing, because, of course, when we moved in here I never looked back. I can look back with fond memories, but I've never once regretted it. I'm kind of glad I gave myself that moment.

Speaker 1: 8:07

And then the other time that really stands out for me is when I left work. So I went to Zurich, which is where our head office was. It was a Swiss company I worked for. I went there for the last time and I stayed a couple of nights in our centre of global dialogue or something. It was an in-house kind of training center, but that doesn't do it justice. It was. It was quite luxurious and you used to be able to stay there. In fact, you should have prioritized staying there if you were traveling to Zurich, but they sort of changed that after a while and but I managed to get in and, um, I just wanted to be really present with it all, and so I took in the view of the Alps and across the lake out of my bedroom.

Speaker 1: 8:59

I laid on that bed naked and felt the softness of the cotton sheets like these are quality Italian cotton sheets. Like you the silky are just, and it always used to feel like you were landing in a cloud when you went on that bed. So I really made this kind of ritual out of it. When you go on the little train from the aeroplanes into the terminal there's like this as it speeds up, and I just wanted to like really hear it because it was potentially going to be one last time, right, so I really took it in.

Speaker 1: 9:38

I really enjoyed the buffet breakfast in the morning. I had all my favourite things and I sat and I looked and I sat with the sun and I walked around and I just took it all in with all my senses. And I did the same thing with the gherkin the last time I walked out the gherkin. I really looked around, I really saw things and just gave a little nod to, you know, the office that I'd spent the last 10 years working in and and the same when I'm, when I went to Folkestone for my last day, I had all the emotions come up right. I had tears on the way in, um, I allowed myself to show emotion when, um, they did me a little presentation and I did a little speech, um, and, and then I went and had a great leaving party, my third leaving party actually, um.

Speaker 1: 10:27

So, yeah, I really see how I I do tend to those endings and I wonder if you can think of some endings yourself and how you've really seen to those um, because it's really important that we do this and it's easier with something that holds good memory right, like a, like a home or a space that you show up at, like a workplace that actually overall, like has a good vibe about it, has good feelings, and actually you're sad to be leaving. It's not like you're skipping out because you can't wait to get out of there. So, yeah, how do you tend to your endings? And then, obviously there are endings like that involve relationships that could be a little bit trickier, a little bit more emotionally loaded, and that are also got multiple layers of complexity to them. That's kind of a different topic altogether, but I just really wanted to kind of bring this topic um to the podcast to say you know it, it's emotional and it's okay to be emotional and, um, what helped me actually on Monday was I wrote um a text to my sister and brother-in-law.

Speaker 1: 11:45

That was really from the heart, so I really tapped into. What did I want them to really hear from me in terms of my gratitude, my gratefulness for what they've enabled me to do and also the emotion right that was coming through around, acknowledging the emotion that I'm sure, despite all the admin and the stress of moving, I'm sure they're also going to experience that too, and I've left them a couple of little surprises out just for when they get there this weekend to move the rest of the gear out. So I'm hoping that that will facilitate their ending too. So I won't say it, because I know she listens, um, and I want it to be a little surprise for when they turn up, um, just so they can really mark the ending of an era. So that's all I wanted to say today, guys, just to share that with you and just to get you thinking about your endings and how you see to them and how it's okay to express emotion and to be in that emotion, and actually it's really beautiful when you can have some tears when you can have that beautiful release. It just allows you to then move on to a new beginning.

Speaker 1: 13:07

So for me, I will be looking for a new venue, a new space to host the time out retreats, because they are magical and whilst the space facilitates that transformation, that real experience, I know I get to replicate it elsewhere. So I am on the lookout for a new space, but I also have some things in mind up my sleeve. So there will be one a quarter now, um. So we are hosting the next one in summertime. So around August, I'm feeling, is probably going to be the time that we're going to do the next one. But in between that, I am inviting you to come on your very own one-to-one time out retreat.

Speaker 1: 13:50

These are personally tailored, curated days to suit you where you're at now. So if you are at a crossroads in your career, if you are considering taking the promotion, considering stepping into leadership not sure if it's for you If you are getting stagnating in your role, right, you're just like not sure where to turn next. If you're on the right career path, or even if you are facing redundancy and you're like terrified about what you do next, or you're even open to, you know the possibilities of what you could potentially do next, or you're thinking about actually leaving through choice. Right, you're thinking I think I've had enough and I want to go and spread my wings and fly and explore something else, but you're not sure what that something else is. Then these days are perfect for you because we get to spend the day together, going really deep into, like, what it is that you want, what you value most from your life, what it is that lights you up so that you can actually really tap into that as you think about your future. We're gonna go deep into your human design. So we're gonna tap into, like um type, your essence, like what it is that you came here to do, your life's work, your purpose in life. We're going to look at the human design charts and the gene keys and tell us see what it tells us about you and who you came here to be. The Kent coastline in my camper van with my dog. Optional um, extra um in my garden, in the Airbnb, the pizza hut. We are going to explore all the layers of you and what it is that you get to do next. So if you're interested in having a VIP timeout day with me. Then do get in touch, just message me VIP and I will come back with some details. And these are glorious days and, yeah, I just can't wait to spend that quality time with you and just really facilitate a breakthrough in terms of like what it is you get to do with your life. So with that, I will leave it there.

Speaker 1: 15:58

I am now off to bolton, up north, to a two-day event called the Big Festoon. It's a Danny Wallace event and I'm going to meet lots of other entrepreneurs there, lots of friends, and I will be with my good friend, sue Jones, miranda, who's been on the podcast talking about human design. Actually, she's exhibiting there. I am helping her on her stand. We're going to be talking about human design for the next two days to lots of curious minds who are open to finding out more. Um, if you want to find out more about your human design, don't forget there's the hd initiation that all the links to these are in the show notes. Um, you can always find them. Plus, you'll find the wait list for finding out about the next retreat and get yourself on there. And, um, I'll be back next week guys. Uh, wish me luck. Six hour drive, but I love being in the car, so it's all good. Take care and have a great week, thank you.