[089] Navigating Identity Crisis After Redundancy

In this episode your host addresses a question from her redundancy focus group about the emotional stages of job loss and how to navigate the transition period after leaving corporate life.
We cover how
• Redundancy triggers emotional responses including feelings of rejection and resentment
• Loss of professional identity creates an existential crisis – "Who am I now?" without the job title
• Self-sabotage is common during transition periods when we're avoiding uncomfortable emotions
• Creating gentle structure helps balance the disorientation of suddenly unstructured time
• Transition periods offer opportunities to redefine your identity and become more authentically yourself
• Support is essential – you don't need to navigate career transitions alone

If you want to work with me through your transition, I have private coaching packages starting from £300/month or a 90-minute Game Plan Strategy could be just wha you need to help you make your next move. For those wanting deeper transformation, join the waitlist for my Time Out retreats. All links below, or reach out through the contact details to chat more about how I can help you.

See also Episode 14 Redundancy: A risk or opportunity?

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Chapters

• 0:01 Introducing The Modern Leader Way
• 0:20 Focus Group Insights About Redundancy
• 2:44 Emotional Stages of Job Loss
• 5:35 Identity Crisis After Leaving Corporate
• 10:42 Creating Healthy Structure During Transition
• 21:07 Available Support and Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

This is the Modern Leader Way, the podcast for corporate career women who want to feel good on their way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello and welcome back to the Modern Leader Way. It's just me again this week, and what I wanted to do is something slightly different, because I have been running these focus groups, so I've done two now one in March, one in April. The first one was around building your leadership confidence, and the second one was for those that had been put at risk of redundancy or who had already taken redundancy, and the way it worked, the way I set it up, was in a whatsapp group and over a couple of weeks there was a focus day, which is where I would come in and ask all the questions of my focus group maximum of five ladies and then on another day, I would open up the floor for those people to come in and ask me anything. So a lot of the time, what would happen was some of the questions that I asked would bring up some stuff for other people right. So, not wanting you to sit in that, I am very open, always to helping you move through that sludge. What I wanted to do over the next couple of episodes is share with you my response to their questions, because I think they will hopefully offer someone else who is going through a similar situation, um, some advice, some support. You know, to be seen and heard and understood in terms of where you're at and to not feel so alone. So this question was asked, um and I will keep the participants anonymous, of course, for obvious reasons so the group that we just had was a number of ladies who have been made redundant, and I think four out of five had already left their jobs. So they were in this sort of in-between stage of just taking some time out and actually thinking about what they wanted to do for their next move. And the question that was asked was like grief, does unemployment or the loss of the structure that being employed brought, have emotional stages that one can look out for? And could self-sabotage in be one? Which I thought was an awesome question To follow is my response, and then I'll be back at the end just to kind of tie everything up in a little bow for you. So I hope you find this useful and let's get into it. Thank you for this great question. It shows me that you've got such good awareness about it already. I always say we can do something with that, right? So, yes, absolutely so, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 2:55

Like grief, that loss of your job, of what you've always known, of your career, comes with some stages, for sure, and it's really interesting because it's got me thinking about what were the stages for me, and my journey might be slightly different to yours, because I didn't plan on going back, I didn't plan on getting a job again when I left, when I took the redundancy, because I knew I wanted to go and do something different and I realised that's not the case for everyone. So what I'm going to do is link below to a episode that I did on my podcast and I told my story in great length around redundancy. But a couple of things that might resonate for you. Yes, the self-sabotage comes up because emotionally, we are feeling all the feels right. There's no doubt some resentment, some rejection, some potential regrets that might be coming up. There will be all sorts of emotions swirling in you and it sounds contrary to say, but it's like we have to kind of, we have some space and time to be with it, right? This is the way we actually process emotions, um, and it's easier said than done, but it is something I can help you with. If you want some guidance and support, so just let me know.

Speaker 1: 4:14

But that aside, when I think we have this space open up and then, like you said, the lack of structure in our days that we're used to, that we've been conditioned by the way to be used to, then all sorts of things can come up and it can feel hella uncomfortable, because normally we busy ourselves with a nine to five or an eight to six, whatever you did before. We busy ourselves with a nine to five or an eight to six, whatever you did before. And actually what's coming up isn't necessarily just job related, it's just stuff that's been around for many, many years and again, that's just stuff that is now asking us to look at it. Okay, so I'm not sure what, in what ways, you're self sabotaging. For me it's always like almost like a laziness, like a switched offness. I can't be bothered. Or I turn to food like I overeat, binge eat Still to this day, I'm 46 years old, still haven't managed to quite contain that it still comes up from time to time, not in the same way as it did before, but it's still a coping mechanism, and that's when I go oh, am I avoiding some emotions that are coming up to be seen and heard, felt?

Speaker 1: 5:23

Am I avoiding doing the thing that I know will move me forward, aka self-sabotaging, or do I just need to give myself a break and be really kind to myself in this moment? So there are a few things for you to think about, and what I would say is the other thing, as well as that loss of structure, is the loss of identity. Right, it's like who the frick am I Now? I no longer have this title, this role to say that I work for this company. That sounds prestigious and makes me appear successful to other people. I know, no one used to know what reinsurance was when I used to say I worked for a reinsurer, but it sounded pretty impressive and it was right. It was. I had what I deemed a successful career. I was happy with my salary, my package was amazing, my opportunities were great. Take me out of the role, take me out of the company. Who the frick am I now? So I'm imagining some of that identity crisis almost is coming up for you. So there's a lot there that needs unpacking and, like I said, I can help you with that if you want support or at least guidance in terms of, like, what to do next.

Speaker 1: 6:32

But for now, what I would say is how can you give yourself some of that structure during your day? So how can you like plan to do some things in the morning, for example? Like when I first left, I was like, oh, I now no longer have to cram my gym session in at 7 30, I can go at nine o'clock if I want to. And it's like we, we have to kind of break out of that conditioned structure that we've grown up through like since a young age. Right, we've gone to school nine to three, then we go into college nine to four or whatever, and then we go into work nine to five, and it's just like, actually as a feminine beings, for one, we don't work like that. We actually have a monthly cycle. We, um, are more in tune with the moon, right, if you look at the moon's monthly cycle, we are like the moon, not like the sun that comes up and goes down every day and start, resets and starts again. This is kind of like, as women, we have a different cycle to men, who can get up, go again. Nine to five kind of works for them.

Speaker 1: 7:36

So how can you really support yourself in creating some structure, whether, that's you know, once the kids have gone off to school, then you create a little ritual for yourself where you go and do a little bit of a workout, take yourself off for a walk, and then come back, sit with your coffee and your breakfast and have some space, grab a journal, write some things down like how am I feeling today? Whatever it is that starts to support you in feeling like you're giving yourself some structure that actually feels good for you, rather than it being just what you're used to, and take joy in it. Right, you've actually got freedom right now, so I don't know what financial situation you've got that might feel. You might feel a tension point there with regards to, like, the lack of your own income. However, you do have time freedom to an extent, I'm assuming. Yes, it's all change. So like, really, how can you support yourself? How can you start to find the joy in actually having more time for yourself, more time to, like, contemplate what it is that you want to do with your future. Again, easier said than done when you feel yourself in a bit of a spiral, but there are a few things there that I will let percolate for you and if there's anything else that you want to come back in, or you can send me a direct message if you want to talk about the ways that I can support you further. That's not the reason what we're here for, but I always want you to know that you're not alone and there is support for you if you want it. All right, my lovely, I hope that gives you some sort of answer. It's not easy. Yes, there's a whole process that you're going to go through and it will be very much on your own timing, and it's really like how you support yourself, how you make those choices day to day to create your own new reality right now, whilst you decide what it is that you want to do for the future. All right, take care and happy friday, and thanks again for asking. Okay, I hope you found that useful.

Speaker 1: 9:36

I wanted to refer you to the episode that I referenced actually was an earlier episode that I did, episode 14 in October 2023 redundancy a risk or opportunity. This is where I tell my unfiltered story of redundancy and like what process I went through on, you know, day one of waking up and not actually having that job to go to. You know the job I'd done every day, bar four weeks a year holiday, for 20 years in fact, and, really interestingly, this to date is one of the most downloaded, most listened to episodes. So if you haven't gone that far back, I encourage you to. Whether or not you are at risk of redundancy or have taken redundancy recently, I never thought it was going to happen to me, right, and this might just prepare you if the worst was to happen. And actually I talk about how I always thought that being told I was at risk of redundancy was the worst case scenario and I surprised myself in that process. So I hope to inspire you to to see it slightly differently in terms of that risk slash opportunity.

Speaker 1: 10:50

So there's that. Go back to episode 14. If you haven't gone that far back, if you've not been with us for this long, and even if you have, you might hear some new things and I'd love to hear your take on what you do here. Then there's this whole thing. I guess what this does when I listen to my contribution there back. What this does is really pulls together the different threads that I'm coming at my work from in terms of my coaching, mentoring, facilitating, whatever you want to call it I still haven't found a name to like pinpoint exactly what it is that I do seven and a half years in. So forgive me on that, but you kind of have to experience it to really get an understanding for it.

Speaker 1: 11:35

But what that little seven-minute snippet did was encapsulate the fact that I have one eye on not just your identity, right, which is a huge transition you make when you leave a job, especially when it's a job you've been doing for a decade or two. Um, but it's like, who this? Who am I? Who the frick am I now? It's almost like when you're an older parent, like an older parent with older kids that fly the nest. It's like, well, who am I now? My kids aren't here to rely on me, even if they were in their 20s. Um, it's, you know, one of those very natural places we find ourselves in throughout life at various different transition stages where we just question, like, who am I without that? You know, if I was to lose a shit ton of weight now, I would be going. God, who am I now? In this same body, but this smaller body, it's a whole thing and identity is one of those key things that I work with.

Speaker 1: 12:40

It's kind of why I created the Modern Leader way. The Modern Leader is an identity. The modern leader is an identity. It's an identity of who you get to like really big and what I they want to go and get next. So this identity piece is huge, it's like really big, and what I want you to hear is that at any one time, you can choose who you want to be going forward, and my hope in all of this is that you only ever want to be as you, as you can be like how can you amplify your you-ness? And I think it's when you, when you step into that new role or you step away from your role, that you really get to look at like who have I been being like? Is that really me? Is that version really me?

Speaker 1: 14:04

I talk a lot about removing the mask of fake confidence. I actually have just done a episode on someone else's podcast. Bijal Shah has the Think Link Lead podcast, if I remember, I will try and link it in this podcast episode and I talk a lot about this identity work and the fact that actually we get to put down that mask of fake confidence where we're showing up with this certain persona and actually behind the scenes we're not quite as confident as we make out. We are as sure of ourselves that we make out we are, because we're just human, right. So identity is a big part of it and then the humanness in you is a big part of the work that I do as well.

Speaker 1: 14:49

So the emotions that come up right, I mentioned this rejection that you get, especially when you've just been made redundant. It doesn't matter like. I saw it as an opportunity, but I still felt rejected. I was like, why me? Like it's what, what have I done wrong? Why am I being rejected after everything I've given to this company? Why me? All those kind of like resentments that come up? You know you are seen as a number all of a sudden and you never thought that would be you, because you've given so much of your heart and soul to this job. And here you are effectively being like it feels like at the time that you're being cast aside, that you're being rejected, exactly that. So all these emotions come up and it's absolutely normal because you're freaking human. So that's why the question was so good.

Speaker 1: 15:40

It's like there's the five stages of grief that we know about, but what are the? The stages of losing a job that you've known, this thing that you've known, that's given you your identity? Like, how do you work through some of those emotions to come back to this like certainty around who I am, who am I? So this is another big part of what I work with. I work with the emotions. I don't shy away from the emotions. I really want to hold you in the emotions that are present for you, because in that we can transmute, that we can actually move through that. Emotions are energy in motion. They just want to be felt. They don't want to be suppressed, and some of these emotions are old emotions that we've been suppressing for years and it's a great opportunity, especially during during that transition, to get it out. It's better out than in, right? So that's another way that I work with the women that come through any of my offers.

Speaker 1: 16:41

And then that kind of balance between giving yourself enough structure as well as giving yourself enough grace, right, giving yourself some time out, some time off, some like moments of doing nothing, which can be really uncomfortable, which is where this kind of like healthy structure gets to come in. Not like a lengthy to-do list that's going to keep you busy and go, go, go, but enough structure which is like the very masculine scaffolding that we like holds us up right. So to allow the feminine being to come in, so that you really get to like work with both of it. And that's really difficult to do and to transition into when you have been so go, go, go, so do, do, do. Like the being part is like really uncomfortable, but it doesn't have to be if you are supported through that. And like I have learned the hard way.

Speaker 1: 17:47

Guys, like I have been on my own transition over the last seven years and I would say it's only in the last couple of years really that I have been able to bring in that like very healthy structure to support me in being more, so that I don't get caught up in the doing again. Because that's one thing I wanted to break free from is in terms of like who I wanted to be, like who am I? It was someone that wasn't so busy all the time and I guess that is a big driving force behind my time out retreats. So I um, yeah, I'm seeing even more clearly how it is that I support people, the containers in which I've created to help you move through these transitions in particular, whether it's like into your first leadership role, as I said, or out of corporate, like it doesn't like anything goes, those big transitions.

Speaker 1: 18:43

I have worked with women who are going back to work for the first time in a new job after having, you know, four or five years off for having two babies. I have worked with women who have stepped into their first leadership role from being a senior expert so they're at a certain level and now they're going out of their comfort zone and doing their first leadership role as a brilliant, well-respected, well-thought-of thought leader. They're now going to have a team to deal with. That's one big transition that I have supported many women through. I've helped women move country and set up their life with their new role. So all of these things go, they're all transitions in my mind, within your career, and they are great opportunities to look at your identity and what emotions are coming up, because they are coming up to be felt, to be heard, to be seen, to be released and then from that kind of really grounded place when you take time out to really ground and really reconnect to what it is you want from this life. Moving forward, what you want from your identity, like who you are. Moving forward, then you get this really beautiful opportunity to shape that and, like I said, to become more of you, to be as you, as you can be. So that was a long way around.

Speaker 1: 20:13

Talking about this question that was asked, which I loved. I've got some more from the first group that I held around building leadership confidence, which I'll bring next week. Safe to say, I have some exciting news about the timeout retreat coming very soon. If you want to hear about that, first, be sure to get on the wait list. Um, we might well be taking the timeout retreats to a sunnier climb, you know. So that's exciting for me because that really is where the magic happens when you take that time out, which, quite frankly, is not a treat, it's not a nice habit. It's freaking essential in this day, in this modern day. It's essential to take that quality time out to reconnect to yourself and what it is that you want from this one life that you're living right now.

Speaker 1: 21:06

And then, just to let you know that I do have private one-to-one coaching that is open. I have two spots onboarding. If you are interested in getting my support, maybe that's through a transition, maybe you're new to your leadership role and you just want that like bolstering of support, someone that gets it. I am here for you. Reach out. I have packages that start from £300 a month and I also have my game plan strategy sessions and these are 90 minute.

Speaker 1: 21:37

Like we go hard, we go deep on what it is that you really want from life and literally get you set up to make that next move in your career, in life, whatever that is. So there's a few ways that you can work with me, that I can support you where you're at, and if you ever want to chat about any of these offers, please just reach out. You can find me through any of the social media links in the show notes, and my email is also there as well, so feel free to reach out. I'm very happy to have a chat. We can jump on a quick call and talk about where you're at and what it is that would support you best right now. Thanks for being here and until next week, take care, thank you.