The Modern LeadHer Way

[097] The Retreat That Changed The Trajectory of My Entire Life

• Emma Clayton • Season 4 • Episode 97

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Emma shares the transformative experience of her first ever retreat in Bali and how it led to a complete redirection of her life and career path. This deeply personal story reveals how stepping away from daily routines can create space for profound self-discovery and life-changing clarity.
We cover how she 
• Found the courage to create timeout retreats after experiencing their transformative power firsthand
• Set intentions to explore safety behaviours, beliefs, values, passion, strengths and stories
• Embraced silent mornings as a powerful practice for turning inward and tuning in
• Formed deep connections with strangers that evolved into lifelong friendships
• Experienced emotional breakthroughs during yoga and feeling truly held in vulnerability
• Faced fears and limitations during an overnight volcano hike
• Discovered the freedom that comes from emotional release rather than emotional eating
• Received the quiet epiphany that corporate life wasn't allowing authentic self-expression
• Recognised when you're following someone else's path rather than creating your own
• Learned that sometimes the most subtle shifts can create the most profound changes

Join us in Spain this September for our first international timeout retreat. If anything in this episode speaks to you and you have the holiday time and resources, don't put it off. You won't regret investing in yourself to reconnect with what you truly want from your one precious life. Full details in the link below.

Come celebrate our upcoming 100th episode and 2-year anniversary! Follow https://www.instagram.com/themodernleadherway/ on Instagram and enter our giveaway before June 20th, 2025 for a chance to win two tickets to Womanifest, the UK's biggest women's empowerment event.


✨ Join the Next Time Out Retreat
📍Partaloa, Spain | September 24–28, 2025
8 bedrooms • private pool • expansive spaces
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Speaker 1:

This is the Modern Leader Way a podcast for corporate career women who want to feel good on their way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello and welcome back to the Modern Leader Way. It's just you and I this week, and I hope you're sitting comfortably or, if you're on the move, I hope that you've got me comfortably in your ear for the next half an hour or so so you can really immerse yourself in the story that I've got to share around my, quite frankly, life-changing experience when I went to my first retreat in Bali and this is going to really give you a flavour for why I found it so necessary and important for me to create the timeout retreats that I have done more recently. It has been something that's been on my heart for a long time. I just needed to be brave enough to put it out there and give it a go, and thankfully, it's been a success up until 2025, 24-hour retreats, which just got the most rave reviews, and it showed me that, yes, indeed, I am meant to hold this space, and I also want to take it bigger. Hence, we are now running our first retreat in Spain in September this year, are now running our first retreat in Spain in September this year, so hopefully you're going to get a real good idea as to why I'm doing this, and I just find myself with these like full circle moments over and over again, and what I've done as part of the preparation for this episode is pull out my journal that I had at the time. So this if you're watching me on YouTube, you'll see my big journal with um, yeah, it's full to the brim, and it started around the time that I was faced with redundancy, in fact, just before I even knew it was coming. Um, I started this journaling practice and it was just really fascinating to reflect on some of the words in the journal, some of the profound shifts that I experienced whilst in Bali, whilst on my travels, and all of it leads me back to why I do what I do today, which is really awesome and, I guess, affirmative, reminds me why I do what I do, right? So let's begin. Are you sitting comfortably? So I think what had happened was 2015, 2016,.

Speaker 1:

I had signed up with a health coach called Anna Marsh and worked with her for 12 months. That was a really big investment in myself. It was my first big investment in the coaching industry. She was a health coach, she was a functional nutritionist, she was also into CrossFit, slash body kind of building resistance training. So it really matched where I was at the time in my CrossFit journey, wanting to really just improve my diet and maximize the effects of my training, and so I started up for 12 months and I think it cost me around £2,000. So it was like a big, like lump in the throat moment to sort of dive all in. It was a group program. I joined this group with about 35 other women in it online and you went through a number of modules to understand nutrition and how your body works and all your different systems and had all the training everything in it. And so I did that for 12 months and as I neared the end of my 12 months with Anna, she started talking about this Bali trip the following year and, even though I wasn't going to be working with her, a number of the girls that had been in the group up until then that I'd kind of got to know personally, albeit from online. They were talking about going and I was definitely getting FOMO because I wanted to. I didn't want to miss out. I wanted to be there. So I signed up for Bali and actually it was a really great price I think it was nine, nine, seven for the week. That was for your accommodation and food included, and it was going to be with a yoga instructor. There's a daily yoga in the mornings and, obviously, sessions with Anna as well. So I signed up, knowing that I had to get myself there and didn't really think much more about it really, so probably booked six months in advance, something like that.

Speaker 1:

I actually orchestrated a whole trip, business trip to Singapore and Hong Kong to tag on at the beginning, so that I was actually in Asia on business. So I got to fly to Hong Kong and back from Singapore on business class and just did my. I paid for my Bali internal flights from Singapore myself a little bit sneaky, but it's what I used to do because I had quite a lot of autonomy in my role. I was a director at the time. We had reason to be in Asia. So, yeah, I orchestrated this trip and it just meant that it was a little bit more doable for me. So I paid for my internal flights to Bali and then I arranged for Adam to come out and meet me on the back end of the retreat so that we could have another 10 days or so as a holiday together. So it was a really like.

Speaker 1:

I was away for four weeks, I think, and then, just before the trip was coming up, I got advised that I was going to be made redundant or that. You know the team's on shaky ground. It was looking like my role would be made redundant and I just asked for some grace and said look, I'm going on this trip. Can you wait until I get back, until I start my consultation period. And that was honoured, which was great, great, and I was very fortunate to be in like. I was in an operational role, right. So my, my managing director had to confide in me around the future operations or not of this team. So I was very, in a very privileged position to get to kind of manipulate that to my benefit, if you like. So I knew when I got back after this three, four week trip that I was going to be put at risk of redundancy, and so I went into this trip very intentionally to really kind of ground into what it was that I wanted from my future, and it's not something I'd ever really done. Right, I was 20 years into my career. Just so happened that I was when I got back from Bali. It was my 20 year anniversary and that's when my consultation started. So it's kind of bittersweet, but I had never stopped to think what else I might do with my life and my career.

Speaker 1:

I got the job when I was 18, fresh out of school. I worked my way up and around the organisation and I got to the pinnacle of my career. I got a director level role. It was a C band, it was a six figure salary. My bonuses were ridiculous at this point and each year that bonus allowed me to pay off some debt and go on a nice holiday Right. So I on a nice holiday, right. So I had a cushy number. I was traveling the world business class. We were staying in some really cool places. We were going to San Francisco and Boston, massachusetts and New York and now Asia. So it really was. I was in a really privileged place, but I'd never stopped to think is like, where am I going, where to from here? Right, I'd reached this pinnacle. Like what next. So I really set the intention to go to Asia to really take some time to think about this stuff, to feel into it, and so I picked up this journal, which I've looked at to prepare for this podcast episode, and it was just really interesting to reflect back on it and I can I can see myself now. I literally had a two page spread where I completed it on the plane.

Speaker 1:

So it's like what do I want from life on one side and what I don't want from life on the other side? And it was things like what I do want from life. I want sunshine, fresh air, sea views, mountains, clean sheets, sunrise and sunset. I want to be fit and healthy. I want to be grateful. I want to. I want fun, freedom, happiness, work-life balance. I want sleep. I want contentment, self-love and respect. I want to feel my emotions. I want to love, laugh, be loved. I like all the really simple things really.

Speaker 1:

And then when it when it got to what I don't want, it was like I don't want stress and anxiety. I don't want to be from away from home so much. I don't want to be around other tourists when I travel. I don't want to be unhappy with myself. I don't want impatience and irritation. I don't want to be unhappy with myself. I don't want impatience and irritation. I don't want to waste so much money. I don't want to compare myself to others. I don't want to compete with others. I don't want to use food as a crutch. I don't want to waste time.

Speaker 1:

I so, yeah, I'd started to really tap into like what it was. I was desiring, like I never really asked myself that and I wonder if you ask yourself that too Like what is it that you like and don't like? What is it that you want and don't want from your life? And like, where are you in that balance right now? Whilst I was on the plane so in business class, you know, naturally. And then I think I built on this over the week that I was in Hong Kong was a bit busier. We had a number of meetings. We went to some universities, some startups, we went to the office and then in Singapore, I went on my own, so I only had a couple of meetings. I actually had quite a bit of space by the pool, on the rooftop hotel pool. So, yeah, I did some more um for and against redundancy. So I was really starting to feel into like what was for it.

Speaker 1:

So for me it was like more time for me, adam and the family and friends, time off, more routine, less stress and anxiety about work. I could work for myself. I could find a new passion. I was thinking that might be around nutrition and psychology, because I've been on my own path on that for a while now. Have a baby was in here.

Speaker 1:

I think I was around 37, so I think I was at that point where I was like it's now or never, um, flexibility, freedom, uh, that I could value money for the first time, right. So I was actually thinking I have no value for money because I just have money like I just get paid all this money and I've got money sitting there and I don't value it so much. I spend it quite frivolously. Um, for redundancy was being grateful for the smaller things, saying no to more being at home, more cooking, healthier meals. I could go back to my 7am CrossFit. I could study psychology or nutrition. I'd have a lump sum in the bank. I could get support to retrain. I could bring the mortgage down in terms of term and monthly when it renewed that October. I would have no commute or travel. I'd have time to read and educate myself, keep in touch with my network on my terms. So it's really like starting to consider it.

Speaker 1:

And I built out this list as I went along. And the against was I would have to give up you know, my salary and my bonuses every April. The, the financial security, was a big thing that I kind of labelled. There would be no maternity pay. Obviously, if I left work and had a baby, I would be missing out on four times life cover and 350k critical illness cover and my pension. So no more luxury travel and living on work.

Speaker 1:

My friends that I'd made at work was on the against side. You know the fact I was always learning and had some really cool stuff to do through on work. My friends that I'd made at work was on the against side. You know the fact I was always learning and had some really cool stuff to do through my work, the fact I get really great feedback and I could have a cushy number if I, if I continue. So I really worked on that and, and as I went through that trip, I kind of reflected on my journey today like what had led me to being here. I went through right back to when I was a kid and how active I was and my stories around my relationship with food and my body, the journey I've been on in therapy and what I'd learned about myself and how I've been in relationship with the men in my life and how I'd used food as emotional armory and like what that meant. So I had, like I'd started to really get this um understanding of who I was and the journey I'd been on, but also who I wasn't. Right it was starting to create some red flags for me.

Speaker 1:

I did sit down with some intentions around what my goals were for the retreat. So I went in to explore and understand my safety behaviours, my beliefs, my values, my passion, my strengths and my stories, because I really wanted to dive deeper into those and get some more awareness. I wanted to gain clarity on what I want with my life and believe I'm worthy and I deserve it and I remain safe in doing whatever I choose to do going forward, and I want to come out there with a focused action plan. So they were my my goals for the retreat. I would probably call them intentions now, but I also did write down a softer intention, which was to turn inwards and really tune in and I can remember being in yoga, getting up in my head and being no turn inwards. Tune in and it really like focused me back on my inner world and being in my body and getting out of my head.

Speaker 1:

I really set those intentions and I went in and I can remember turning up in Bali so I kind of knew my two, knew of my two roommates, um, alice and Mel, and I was paranoid about snoring so I was like, can I have this bed over here? That's not like two twins next to each other. And they were cool with that and we had quite a big room so we had our space and I asked Alice if she was nervous and she was like no, I'm pretty cool. She's like what have I ducked back? And we hit it off. She continues to be one of my best friends today, so I met her in person for the first time, having not really had much to do with her online. I think she joined slightly towards the end of my time in the online group.

Speaker 1:

So that's one big takeaway from the retreat is the people that I met, the friendships. There were some other ladies there. I mean Mel was based in Oman, but she actually referred one of my first clients to me, a friend of hers that lived in Oman that was really looking for some support and Mel felt like I was the one that could give it to her, so she was a good referrer for me. And then then some of the other girls. We got together a few times actually over the next couple of years and it's slowly fizzled out over the last few years and some of them keep in touch and then Alice and I keep in touch as well. So you know, it really was a place.

Speaker 1:

An unexpected benefit or unexpected delighter of the retreat was that I really came away with some amazingly new friends and these were based on really deep relationships that we'd created and forged through our experience in a week away. And that's the other thing that I love about creating that space. You know, I've seen it in the 24 hours that I've created in the timeout retreats in Margate, where people you know they come and, before they know it, they're being really open and honest and vulnerable with these strangers who they feel like are really good friends by the end of the time together. So I'm sure with four days in Spain, that's also going to be something that people come away with is just new friends for life. So we kind of had a welcome evening.

Speaker 1:

It was encouraged that we didn't have alcohol on the premises, but the other thing that they really encouraged us to do was have these silent mornings. This was something that I was really resistant to, so we were having yoga on the veranda every morning, apart from the morning after um, the hike, which I'll get on to and what it was encouraged to do was wake up, not speak to your roommates, grab your journal, grab a cup of like hot lemon water and go and sit on the veranda and journal your thoughts until we sit down or we get on the mat and we do our yoga practice, which was anything between like an hour and two hours, and then we would get ready for breakfast and we would sit down to breakfast. I think it was once we'd finished breakfast we were late, or maybe when it's when we sat around the table that we were actually able to then engage in conversation. And whilst I was super resistant to this to begin with, after a couple of days I really started to appreciate it, because how often do we get up, especially when you you're amongst strangers? Right, you get up, and then you make this small talk and it's all about, oh, the weather, that was beautiful day to day, and what are you most looking forward to? Like it's a small talk that you would have. It's kind of like pointless when you think about it. So actually, to have this silence, to be able to come back to my intention of turning inwards and tuning in, was really quite profound and I really enjoyed it and I really came to look forward to it, especially when you're in a group, big group, there's perhaps 10 or 11 of us, I think. Um, so actually that moment of calm, of peace, was really beautiful to embrace and it's something that I have thought about implementing in my own retreats and I will be pondering on that some more. I may experiment with it, to be honest, because I really do see the benefit in it and everyone was quite similar in terms of the resistance up front, but also the embracing it by the end of the week.

Speaker 1:

Yoga was amazing. I hadn't really been a big yogi up until then. Um, I certainly carried on my yoga practice when I left and there was one day in particular I don't know whether you've like done a lot of yoga, but even on Sunday, when I went to um yoga outside with one of Adam's clients, actually in one of his gardens. She said we've done an hour of hip opening and hip openers can cause some emotions to arise and I remember Shay Shay Dyer, who was doing the yoga, said this on this one particular day that you know, we've just had a hip opener and therefore emotions might come, and I I was like I don't get emotional, don't be silly. Of course we'd had the silent morning, we'd had the hip opening hour and a half or so, and I really enjoyed it actually and we'd sat down to breakfast and then by the end of the breakfast, I was having a conversation with one of the ladies where I was basically opening my heart and spilling out my whole life story to her, and ended up in absolute bits like proper crying into my morning coffee over the table to Rue actually Rue Luffula, who just listened with an open, open mind, open heart. And yeah, I really did get emotional and I was like, wow, this is a first, because for me to allow myself to express emotion, especially in company, was like a big first, to be honest. So I had this emotional release and I felt amazing afterwards. I felt amazing for, like telling my vulnerable story, like being met in that vulnerability and really held, um, not just by Roo who was in the conversation with me, but afterwards, you know, when I showed that emotion and everyone else realized what was going on, I felt really held, really loved, really seen and and not judged at all and it was just. It really showed me that actually there is a lot of benefit to be had to allowing yourself to express emotion. So that was probably the start of that for me to really to really feel that.

Speaker 1:

And then there's a couple of additional optional outings that you could go on that. And then there's a couple of additional optional outings that you could go on, and one of them was a hike up, a volcano overnight, which is now closed, I believe, because it's actually an active volcano that was on offer and all the girls were basically a yes, apart from one or two others that said no, like, definitely not. I was on the fence because I was like I really want to do it Again. I had FOMO, I didn't want to miss out. I knew it would be an amazing opportunity to, you know, do things that I love, which is like be on a mountain, watch the sunrise and just, you know, just really soak it in. But I also knew I probably wasn't my fittest. I was a lot heavier than most of the other girls that had said yes, um, I wasn't my fittest. I didn't want to hold back the groups. I had all these stories going on my head as to why it wasn't a good idea for me to do it, but they talked me into it. They were like don't worry about any of that we'll, we're all in it together, um. And so they convinced me to say yes. Um, I was very glad that I said no, however, to the Uber trip day trip that was happening that day. I said no to that because I knew I wanted to stay at home, conserve my energy, have a little sleep, because not only were we hiking up a mountain, we were doing it overnight, when I'd usually be having my much needed zeds. So I was glad that I said no to that and, yeah, just had a really nice day instead to myself.

Speaker 1:

And then the anxiety really started to build after dinner, when people were getting ready, and I was like what the hell have I done? And like it was really evident because of all the self-talk that was coming in. I was very aware of it and I was journaling on it and you know it, it when I think about, when I reflect back on it, it's like the story has started. But I was like who was I kidding? I'm not fit enough to do this. I'm carrying an extra four stone than when I was fit last. I'm going to hold everyone up. I shouldn't have come. There's no way I can do this for four hours. If you, if you get up, you're gonna have to come down and so on.

Speaker 1:

And I had this lump in my throat from the very beginning. And it was interesting that I sat in front of the car, in the front of the minibus, on the way up there on a winding road, up a mountain Right A volcano to be precise in the dark, and I was verbalizing my nerves and I think it was really affecting the energy of everyone in the van. So I really had to pipe down a little little bit, which meant I internalized it. So I had a lump in my throat, I had very familiar symptoms of anxiety arising and, um, yeah, it did not bode well for a good start, right, and we got our head torches. It was about 11 and 11 pm, I think, or no, I think we set off at 11 pm.

Speaker 1:

We got at the top, like the starting point, which was 1500 meters up the volcano um, at 1 am. So we started at 1 am, head torches on. It was wet as we went through the kind of tropical layers and we had 350 steps up to a temple, 350 steps before we even got onto the volcano. And it was a conical volcano, right like as you imagine, as you would draw it as a five-year-old. It was a conical, so it was literally steadily up and and you went through the different layers of rainforest at the bottom where it was very wet and humid and bit of rain. You went through like some bigger rocks and like roots and all that. So you really had to watch your footing before you actually got above the cloud line or through the clouds and it was literally just one foot in front of the other uphill steadily.

Speaker 1:

And it was about 10 minutes into it that my heart was in my throat because I had this lump in my throat, because I was had all these stories going on in my head about why I was so stupid to have allowed myself to get myself in this situation. I just lost my shit. I literally broke down, and I'm glad I did again because I had this emotional release where I could be held by the others who were also saying hang on a minute. Me too, like I'm thinking what have I done? I'm struggling physically, I'm out of breath, my heart feels like it's pounding out of my chest too, and we were able to hug it out and I felt supported by others. I think Rachel found me a stick and took my bag off. I insisted she carried my bag. She had her own bag, but she took mine off me, rachel and Alice kind of hugged behind me so that I wasn't the last one, because I felt like I was really slow and slowing everyone else down. And our guide actually took my hand and was just like we're just going to go one step in front of another and it was just so beautiful to feel so held and supported in what was otherwise quite a traumatising environment. Anyway, here I put it that we stopped at 4am at 2200 metres, so we got up 700 metres, but it was 900 more meters to the top, uh, and like it was a, it was kind of unanimous decision by the whole group, it wasn't just me. Everyone was like yeah, let's stop here like we're not worried about getting to the top.

Speaker 1:

There was a real realization that if we continued we'd probably miss the sunrise and we'd still have further to come down. People were starting to get sore you know sore feet in their boots. They were cold, wet, tired, hungry and um. So our guide found a really beautiful clearing. He created a fire for us, got some firewood. He got out of his bag, he got coffee and banana fritters and egg in a roll and basically made it really beautiful.

Speaker 1:

We had some music on. We were dancing to Everything's Gonna Be All Right by Bob Marley and we just, literally as soon as we got there, we all just really bonded over this moment of being on this sacred mountain volcano, above the cloud line, waiting for the sun to rise. So it was really beautiful. We warmed up around the fire. Two for the sun to rise, so it was really beautiful. We warmed up around the fire.

Speaker 1:

Two of the group had actually gone off. They were kind of the fitter, really. They were gunning for it. So they left us quite a while back and they continued on to the top. So I was, I was pleased for them because they wanted to go and I was pleased that everyone else was very happy that we had got as far as we had got. So we had this moment of rejoicing and we saw the beautiful sunrise and we set off straight away. We're like, okay, let's get back down there. If it took us four hours to get up, it's going to take us probably as long to get back down.

Speaker 1:

Right, and actually I felt like I was full of beans on the way back down because it was easier on my on my lungs and I could take it like. My knees were good at the time. The only thing was I hadn't cut my toenails, so my toenails were starting to feel quite sore in my shoes. But other people were struggling, right, they were struggling with knees, with backs, with, um, just the monotony of going down and take like again. So if it's steadily on the way up, it's steadily on the way back down too, right.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, we got back down I think it was about 8 30 in the morning and we got in the car and there was this place where you could get this milky tea that was basically like in a plastic bag, so you put a straw through it. It's like drinking out of a goldfish bag, you know, you used to pick the goldfish up from the pet store when you were younger a very sugary milky tea, which was kind of welcome, to be honest. And and then we went through a whole range of emotions while we're waiting for the other two to come back down off the top of the mountain, right. So we had, um, a lot of fun and laughter in this van. We were steaming up, we were watching people come off the mountain after us.

Speaker 1:

So there were a lot of tourists that were overtaking us on the way up but had like flip-flops on or like sandals. They were not like in walking gear, they didn't even have head torches on and they were like careering past us. Now they were coming off the mountain and they had wobbly legs. It was so funny, it was like, literally, their legs were like jelly by the time they'd got down and it's almost like they couldn't stand. So we were actually having a good old laugh in our delirium of tiredness, having not slept all night and having just been exhausted from the experience.

Speaker 1:

Uh, we went through all these waves of like, yeah, delirium to kind of a little bit of irritation and anger to the other two that were making us wait now, and I think they got back, oh, it was like 11, 30 or something. So we've been waiting in this, sat in this van, for three hours, tired, cold, hungry, waiting for them. And then when they got in, it was a little bit tense, even though, like, we were happy that they'd got to the top, but obviously they'd gone another 900 meters up. They had another 900 meters to come down and they were hurting now too, because they'd gone on for what? Three hours longer than us. So, yeah, it was um, kind of tense on the way back.

Speaker 1:

And then, if you've ever been to Bali, the traffic is a freaking nightmare. Like I would possibly not go back to Bali for this reason, or if I did, I would stay in one place, I wouldn't travel anywhere. But the, the infrastructure is just not made up for the amount of people that are on Bali, the amount of tourists that visit, and even though it's not a big island, it takes forever to get anywhere. There's just so many mopeds around and cars are just like in a long line of traffic. So it wasn't far from the, the mountain where we got picked up back to the villa, but it took us two and a half hours sat in traffic, and now I'm kind of having visions of eating really salty chips and like a big burger, because you know I go to it's food right when I need comforting, when I'm tired, when I'm hungry, I need food. I need like food that's gonna like hit quick and be like really satisfying. And so I was kind of winding everyone up and everyone was getting on the salty chip train like the yeah, that's what we need, salty chips.

Speaker 1:

And when we finally got back to the villa, our host was so happy to meet us actually, anna and Shay didn't come with us because they were staying on for another week for a second round of people that were visiting and they wanted to do the they want to be fresh, to do the the volcano hike then. So they welcomed us big hugs, ready, slightly like concerned as to what the what the tension was all about, and we were just like we're just hungry, we need to eat and we need to sleep, and we got to the table of food that had been beautifully presented and laid out ahead of us and there was this rainbow array of salad-y things, raw coleslaw and boiled eggs for protein, and I just picked up my plate and looked at it and just thought I just want salty chips, just threw my plate down and just took myself off to my room. I thought inconspicuously apparently not. Anyway, when I got to my room I just cried because I like there was this build up of all the emotions and then there wasn't the food that I needed to put in my mouth that would have actually comforted myself. So I just had had no escape.

Speaker 1:

I had to, like, let the emotions out and actually what I did was I changed into my swimsuit and I went and dived in the pool. I had one of those like really slow moments where it's like a slow motion dive into the pool. I felt like I was underwater for ages before I came up and then, as I surfaced, I'd like through my tears, there was everyone there like are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I just need a minute. Like, just give me a minute. And, um, I kind of pulled myself together a little bit and went back to the table and put all the beautiful, healthy, nourishing, nutritious food on my right that I knew was what my body needed and was really craving, and I took myself off in a corner and ate the food through my tears and felt better for it and it was kind of a breakthrough moment for me, because ordinarily in life I would have gone for the salty chips and I would have gone to any length to get the burger and the salty chips in my face so that I would feel better. But actually here I was proving to myself that it wasn't that I needed that food. It's that I needed to have an emotional release because all the emotions were there.

Speaker 1:

I tired, I was exhausted, I was emotional after, like the profound experience we'd just had together on a mountaintop, all the highs and the lows that we'd experienced. Um, I was frustrated from sat in the car for waiting that long for them, being stuck in traffic for so long. It's all understandable. I was relieved to be back and for it to all be over and to be able to tell the story. I was really proud as well that I'd actually gone for it and achieved what I had achieved, even though we didn't get to the top and I was hungry, but not necessarily for food but for that connection with other people, for the hugs and the stories that were to be told and the laughs and all the things. So it really was quite profound for me, and had that have been the most profound thing that had happened to me on that holiday. I still would be talking about it now as if it was profound, but it continued right. So we we obviously made some amazing friends while we were there. We had a lot in common, a lot to talk about, a lot to reflect on when we got home.

Speaker 1:

But I went on with Adam to have another week or so and what I wanted to do was continue my yoga practice and meditation, because I've really enjoyed it and really saw the benefits of doing that. So wherever we stayed next, I made sure that I took advantage of that. So even if it wasn't on offer in the hotel, I would look locally to see what I could do, and so I did a lot of that, and it was actually one day. We had quite an experience traveling back from Gili Menno, the Gili Islands. They're providing the weather's good. The minute there is some stormy weather and the ocean is too rough to cross, then you are screwed.

Speaker 1:

So we had to basically get a very hairy speedboat to Lombok main island and then take a connection drive which is about four hours down to South Lombok main island and then take a connection drive which is about four hours down to South Lombok to pick up a ferry that seemed to go about two knots an hour, very slowly, very clunky, very packed, no air conditioning yeah, not a very pleasant trip. And so eight hours across the sea, very rough, very slow. Um, we finally get back to Bali, mainland, and we've missed our connection, so we have to fight for a taxi, and then the taxi doesn't seem to be going the way that my google maps is saying is the quickest way to go. But anyway, we got to our next destination, which was a really beautiful five-star hotel in the paddy fields right in the center of Bali, and, um, it was full board, so I was really looking forward to some decent food. And I got barley belly, probably from, uh, eating whatever I ate that was given out, um, in the car park on the way into the ferry, in a banana leaf. So, um, I got barley belly, so I didn't eat for three days that we were at our full board uh destination and, um, I still went along to the yoga and the meditation that was on offer, and it was actually one day that I was walking back to my room and I remember having my key card out and just about to put it in the door when it it kind of landed in me because I hadn't, like, really been focused on the whole redundancy thing should I, shouldn't I?

Speaker 1:

But this epiphany kind of came through that actually you're meant to help other women to get through some of the things that you've experienced. There is something in this for you and it probably helped that I was, you know, on that retreat. There was a couple of other women that were in corporate jobs, but there were a couple of women that were also self-employed. Shay and Anna themselves had got very successful online businesses and in-person businesses. We had a personal trainer. There was someone that had their own family business selling kind of tractors, things like that. Someone else was a hairdresser and then we had a couple of others that were also starting on their coaching journey. So it helped that I was around different people that were doing different things. So taking myself out of my usual kind of circle of connections network and put myself into some new conversations really did spark that epiphany to come through.

Speaker 1:

That was probably the moment and it was a couple of weeks after I got back. I obviously had some big decisions still to make. I had this realisation. I shared this in my stories the other day. Actually, here it is.

Speaker 1:

I think the overarching realisation is probably that working at Swiss Re has meant I've not been truly authentic, and it makes more sense to me now why I've never really felt at home or myself or in my comfort zone and like I was going to get caught out as a fraudster. It's not just because I'm not technical, but maybe because I never really belonged there, because I was never being myself, and it was really then that I knew that, um, it wasn't like a big whoosh, it was kind of really quiet, knowing that I needed to set the ball in motion and to get my get out plan in place. And, yeah, I went from there I finished up. That was, that was the August. I finished up in the October, about three months earlier. So I got paid to leave early.

Speaker 1:

I was looking at, well, I'd already started, I'd signed up for a level two no, level four, sorry nutritional lifestyle coaching diploma, which took me a year to complete and, quite frankly, put me off doing nutritional coaching but gave me a qualification that has served me well today. And, um, I then, uh, was looking at I also looked at potentially having my own travel counselling kind of business. So there's a lot more of this goes on now. So I'm kind of glad I didn't go down that route because it's a lot more common these days. But travel counsellors was an option for me and I'd actually gone to visit their offices in Manchester to see if it was a viable business opportunity for me, and I think the outgoing costs were about £10,000 to set yourself up to be a travel counsellor and it was effectively self-employed. And I'd spoken to a friend locally one of Adam's clients that was a travel counselor, had been for years and was doing very well.

Speaker 1:

So it was my kind of plan B, but it was always a plan B. It was never really what I wanted to do and I just knew that if I was going to make this change, I really wanted to do something that I really wanted to do, wanted to do, and that was coaching and mentoring and really helping women who, like me, had had this very colourful relationship with food and their body their entire life, who were constantly seeking solutions to find a better way to think and feel about themselves and who wanted to thrive, not just in life but in their work as well, and what that might mean for them is potentially getting on a different path. But not always, like, actually, not everyone needs to leave. They might just need to have better boundaries in place, right, they might just need to be able to say no more to taking on more and to to see worth, so that they stop pushing and to prove themselves worthy of that seat around the table. So that is my life-changing story.

Speaker 1:

Really Like that was the moment that changed my life, changed the whole trajectory of my life, and had I not have gone to Bali, had I not have had that time in Asia at the exact time that I needed it? By the way, that time in Asia, at the exact time that I needed it, by the way, um, who knows, I possibly would have taken the job offer that I got to stay, um, one of our senior leaders actually took me to one side and said look, I've created this role for you. It's 12. It's 12 months. Um, I can't guarantee that it will go on any longer, but it should be long enough to get you, you know, situated into another permanent role. Um, I can't guarantee that you'll get the redundancy if you, um want it at the end of it. Um and I, you know, part of my decision was actually to say thanks, but no thanks to that as well. So who knows, had I not have gone on that retreat, I may not be sat here talking to you on my podcast right now. And so thank God I did, because it has been an absolute blast the last seven years.

Speaker 1:

It hasn't always been easy and at times I have looked back and gone. God would have been so much easier to have stayed in my role, like the house would be so much further along now because we'd have had more money coming in more frequently. Yeah, things would have been so much easier. But also I would have been so much less fulfilled than I am now, so much less on a path that I feel is my making and not someone else's, and I wouldn't be creating the similar spaces for people to take time out to look at their own lives.

Speaker 1:

So this is not to like put the fear of God in you that if you come on a retreat with me, you're going to have this like life changing trajectory, that you're going to go on, because that's not always the case. Sometimes it is the more subtle. Maybe it's the connections that you make, maybe it's the decisions that you make. Going to go on, because that's not always the case. Sometimes it is the more subtle. Maybe it's the connections that you make, maybe it's the decisions that you make to change the habits of a lifetime, maybe it's the breakthrough that you have around food and your emotions and your body, but it really is set up with the intention that you get to really connect back to what it is that you're creating in your life, whose path you're on really go oh shit. Yeah, for this last 20 years, I've actually been following the path of my parents or I'm doing this for the kids until they've grown up, and I'm putting my life on hold. Even that, you know that acknowledgement that that's what's happening can be profound to put you on a new path.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, that is the long and short of why I am so passionate about creating time out retreats for you, and if that is something that is speaking to you and hasn't scared you off, then join us in Spain. Honestly, it's going to be really beautiful. Um, I am so excited for the breakthroughs that we're going to have, as profound or as subtle as they may be. Just taking that time out for yourself, just putting yourself in a room with new people where you're going to have fresh, new, deep conversations nothing surface level. Yeah, if any of this is speaking to you and you've got the holiday to take, it's a Wednesday to Sunday, so you need to take three days off holiday. If you've got the cash to be able to come it's around 1500 pounds don't put it off. I probably will run this again next year. I'm thinking May, june time next year, so in another 12 months. Don't put it off for 12 months.

Speaker 1:

If you know you want to be there, get yourself on there honestly, you will not regret. It is one thing you will not regret is investing in yourself to take time out to actually reconnect to what it is you actually want from this one life. One life, my friend. How are you spending yours? Are you creating your life by design? Are you on purpose, or are you blindly carrying on a path that's not even yours? To start with, no judgment there, just an encouragement to get off the treadmill and onto your own path.

Speaker 1:

And we do that at the Time Out Retreat. So if you want to know more, as always, the link will be in the show notes. I hope to see you there and, if not, just let me know how you found this episode. By the way, we have a new home on Instagram. We have our own Instagram page now, which is at themodernleaderway. All one word.

Speaker 1:

This is in recognition of the fact we are two years old in July and we come to our 100th episode. I think this is episode 97. So we are nearing that point and I wanted to celebrate it. So if you've been here all along, or if you're new to listening to this show, I want you to come and celebrate with me, and there is something in it for you. We are doing a giveaway.

Speaker 1:

So if you're listening in real time, if you are listening before the 20th of June in 2025, you have the chance of winning two tickets to Womanifest, which is the UK's biggest and best and only, I think women and teens empowerment and wellbeing event, where, over the weekend, there's heaps going on. And also I am running a workshop called Success Redefined. So come along to that and to get your free tickets, which are worth 300 quid, um, just come and follow us over on Instagram. Uh, give the pinned post a like and then tag a friend who you'd love to take with you if you win the tickets, and hopefully I will see you there. And that's not it. We're not finishing there.

Speaker 1:

I've got some other prizes up my sleeve, lined up for July, as we get closer to the birthday itself. So keep tuning in, make sure you're subscribed, come over on YouTube and see us on the video, leave a comment or send me a DM on Instagram or LinkedIn, wherever you follow me, and if you want to know more about the retreat, you'll find the link in the show notes. So that is all. Thank you for indulging me in my storytelling. I do love to tell a story, if you hadn't noticed, and I hope to see you back here next week. All right, my lovely, take care, and thanks again for being here. Lots of love.

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Emma Clayton

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