The Modern LeadHer Way

[102] What Happens When You F*ck Up Your Public Speaking Gig?!

• Emma Clayton

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Emma shares the uncomfortable reality behind her Womanifest workshop that didn't go as planned, highlighting that even when public speaking goes wrong, nobody dies and we learn valuable lessons from disappointing experiences.

We cover how;
• Workshop preparation was challenging with resistance to planning in advance 
• The venue had unexpected challenges
• Emma went completely blank during her introduction and what she did next 
• Technical issues meant the workshop wasn't recorded for the podcast as intended
• Photos and videos were disappointing
• The Success Roadmap was launched

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Speaker 1:

This is the Modern Leader Away the podcast for ambitious, driven career women who want to feel good on the way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello and welcome back to the 102nd episode. I still can't quite believe we're in the hundreds now. That's absolutely crazy, and I've had a couple of crazy weeks actually around the second year birthday for the podcast and the 100th episode with Russell. That was a little bit viral, if I'm honest. He'll be very pleased with that, because when I got on the phone with him, he asked me how many downloads I generally get and he was like right, we're going to smash that with this episode, and we certainly have, and we've also smashed and got a record number of YouTube downloads. So if you're not following us over on YouTube, we do have a channel over there. You can subscribe and watch the video version of the podcast as well if that's something that's up your street.

Speaker 1:

But I wanted to come on and share something with you which is not what I had planned for this episode. What I had planned for this episode was to rerun my success redefined workshop that I ran at womanifest two weeks ago now. But that was not to be because, as you will hear from the story time that I'm going to get into, I didn't press record on the YouTube version of the phone that I had set up in the corner to record the whole thing with my microphone and everything. It was set to go landscape so it could upload to YouTube. But yeah, that was not to be so I'm going to tell you the story of that whole situation instead. Because it did not go as planned, I wasn't actually very happy with myself. I was quite disappointed with how it went and how it all unfolded and I thought you know what, rather than say, yeah, it was amazing, I'm going to tell the truth because we're all about keeping it real around here and, yeah, that's just how we roll.

Speaker 1:

So I have just got back from an epic trip around the country. I started here in Kent, I went to see a friend who is also a hairdresser and does my hair in the Midlands, and then I went up to Cheshire for Womany Fest. I had four nights in the van. My friend also came up with her mum in their motorhome and camped on the same campsite. I had another friend who was speaking on the stage at Womanifest who had a glamping pod, so yeah, it was quite cool. There was a few of us there and I felt like there was some resistance coming up for actually planning my workshop in any sort of level of depth, which is really interesting. So normally I leave everything to the last minute. It's just how I roll and I always pull it off Like even this episode is going to come out late today because I am recording it this morning, which is not my proudest moment. But hey, we are where we are.

Speaker 1:

It's been a busy week since I've been back. Where I got to was, I thought, well, I've got this drive up the country. I've been back. Where I got to was, I thought, well, I've got this drive up the country, I've got plenty of time to get my head around. You know the finer details, but what I had, what I was pleased with myself for doing, was I'd actually got to the point where I had created this new freebie.

Speaker 1:

So when you do a talk or something like that, you always want to have some somewhere to take people right if they've enjoyed themselves, if they like what they're hearing, if they like you and you're vibing with you, then you want to take them somewhere. So I wanted to offer what I'm calling the Modern Leader Success Roadmap. So you might have heard me talk about it already. It is a new freebie and there will be a link in the show notes to get it. I encourage you to go and get it because this is like the real foundational stuff of how you start on your journey to the modern leader way okay, which is ultimately finding your way. But this is where we get to redefine success on your terms.

Speaker 1:

And so I had done this freebie and it took me, you know, the week before um, and I'd done it and I was quite happy and I'd done the sign up page and the email sequence and all the things. I was very pleased with myself, but still the whole workshop format wasn't really dropping in. So I had this resistance coming up. I drove up and it didn't come through to me. So I just listened to some music instead, hoping or trusting, I think, that it would come through me. And then I had the trip up on the Friday to Cheshire still nothing. Then I thought it's okay, I've got like five hours before anyone arrives. I'll just get settled and it'll come through me then. And I really had to force myself to write some notes and still felt ill-prepared, you know. But I was like it's okay, I know my stuff, I like I talk about this all the time, so it's fine. I think the nerves were just like kicking in.

Speaker 1:

And then it got to the day and I woke up very early, like when I'm in the van I'm awake with the first daylight, kind of thing. So I was awake at 5am, I went and got my shower before the crowds and I sat down, forced myself to sit down, really getting the vibe of the flow of the workshop and do some notes. So I did that. Still didn't feel entirely comfortable with it, felt a little bit underprepared, if I'm honest. But I had my banner, I had my flyers, I had my my roadmap ready to give to people and off we went.

Speaker 1:

I helped Sue, my friend, set up her stand she was exhibiting in the shopping village and and then I went and checked out my tent. So I was in the lifestyle, business and careers tent and I got there and it was a nice, nice, spacious tent. It had round tables, which I think is nicer than sort of long tables I imagined, and so I kind of was happy with how it looked and where it was as well, because I thought it would be tucked away in the corner somewhere, but it wasn't. However, the first thing that was kind of like a little bit shocking was the fact that there was a food van parked right next door to it that had a very loud generator. So I went and chatted to them and I was like is that generator going to be on all day? And they're like yeah, we're aware that you're talking in there and we did suggest we moved, but we were told we need to be here. I was like, okay, great, and it powers their fridge freezer. So of course they had to had to have it on. So I was like that's okay, I can project my voice right, I've got quite a booming voice if I want to, or even when I don't want to, it can be quite loud sometimes. So I thought that's okay, I just need to make sure I'm drinking lots of water so I don't have a dry mouth and that I've got a full bottle of water for when we actually get into it.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I was sort of flitting around and there were people showing up and I bumped into people like the weirdest thing happened. So you know, I talked about Bali on the um podcast not so long ago, my life changing, the transformative event that was Bali, a retreat in Bali, and someone walked past me and she was pointing at me. She was like I know you? And I was like oh yeah, where from she went? We went to Bali together. I said oh, stop it. So we went and had um, we hugged it out and we said hi, and I said how strange I've just spoken about Bali on the podcast and like we're coming up for eight years ago now actually it would have been eight years ago right now that we would have been arriving in Bali. And, interestingly enough, my friend Alice came over afterwards and said who's that lady that you gave a hug to? Because I recognize her? And I went oh my god, I didn't even put two together because I met Alice in Bali she's one of my best friends now and um, so it was so surreal that we were kind of all just randomly bumping into each other in Cheshire of all places. So that was nice. And then there was someone else that I'd met in Manchester who comes from Portsmouth, that sort of bumped into and was like, oh my god, like I guess I was in the vibe of the festival and people arriving.

Speaker 1:

I wasn't really in the vibe of like getting my head in the game for my workshop, um, and then I wanted to be in the session before. So I was the second session up and I wanted to be in the session before so that I could sort of just get my cameras ready. I had my tripods, I had my batteries, I had my microphone. I wanted to set up and I wanted to set up one phone for capturing the YouTube podcast. I wanted to set up the other one just to capture some b-roll and some photos. And then I'd also paid for a photographer to come in and take some professional shots and some reels as well for like camera video.

Speaker 1:

So I wanted to just like situate myself, sit at the back when the person on before was there and just like, like, really ground into it. And that didn't happen because the person on before was there and just like, like, really ground into it. And that didn't happen because the lady on before me had a much quieter voice. So what she decided to do is bring all the tables over to the other side of the room from the generator of the room, the tent, and like bring them all in together so that it was squished in, so that she was stood right in amongst everyone.

Speaker 1:

And actually my friend Alice and her mum, dawn, were already sat in that room when I keep calling it a room, it wasn't, it was a tent, um and so I went and sat with her, but I ended up being right under this woman's nose and it really was off-putting because I was starting to get anxious, I was starting to get like frazzled with the thought that this is not unfolding as I imagined it, this is not going to plan, and I am on after her and I can't imagine myself doing it in this way that she's moved the tent around and it just felt claustrophobic and I wanted to get out of there and I couldn't do any work from last minute prep because obviously she was on top of us talking. So, yeah, all of this led me to being quite, um, highly strong, let's call it that. So she finishes, then I'm trying to rearrange all the tables and put them, pull them apart again, and I'm moving what she called the front of the stage to a different side of the tent and I'm setting up my banner and my tripods and I wanted some Paolo Santo to burn as people were coming in and I wanted music on and I'd kind of given Alice and Dawn some jobs, so they were going to hand out the handouts and they were going to make sure the music was on. Anyway, it was all a little bit stressful, let's just say, and it wasn't, as a result, very grounded.

Speaker 1:

And when I spoke last year at the Kent Wellness Festival, I was so grounded, I was prepared, um, the day before I had a bath that morning I was like really chill and even when I had tech issues, um, I was super chill. I was super chill. My friend, friend Sue, came and she was like God, you was, you handled that so well when, when my presentation wouldn't go onto the screen because I had a MacBook and they weren't compatible. But I really enjoyed that one because I was so grounded, I was so chill, so calm and and it just felt good to deliver it in that way and not be so anxious. But this was not to be this time. So I got set up, got frazzled, welcomed everyone in, started chatting to people and started to chill out a little bit and then I launched into my introduction and within two minutes I totally went blank.

Speaker 1:

Now I had kind of rehearsed my introduction because I just think if you've got a beginning, middle and an end, you can work in the rest of it. Right, especially when you know your stuff. It shouldn't be something you have to rehearse, but I do like to practice a little introduction just to make sure I get across the right lines, and I just totally went blank. And you know, you have one of those moments where you're like a rabbit in headlights and I could and I've actually got it on video. So what I will do is share that as a little reel on Instagram.

Speaker 1:

Um, the moment that I cocked up, basically, and I just stared into the distance actually I wasn't staring into anything, I was like searching my brain for the words that I saw on the, on the notes that I'd made, and I just couldn't find it. So I ended up doubling over and laughing out loud, like I literally went and and laughed out loud, and people thankfully laughed with me when I sort of said I'm so sorry, I've just gone blank, I've totally forgotten my trail of thought. Anyway, I managed to pull it back and no one died right, and I think this is a really valuable lesson for all of us. When we have to be in these awkward situations of public speaking or speaking up in meetings or whatever it is that you have to do, that sometimes makes you feel a bit anxious is, even if you forget your words, even if you go blank, like nothing bad happens. And I do think if I hadn't laughed, I might have cried and then ran off into the corner and um, just wanted to have the ground open up and swallow me whole. But I didn't. I just it was a very instinctual, natural reaction to just double over laughing and, um, it paid off because people laughed with me and you know what? It just made the whole thing a little bit more chill, and so the it actually went quite well.

Speaker 1:

You know, people went through it. They gave lots of good feedback. So what I did was actually worked them through the first part of the roadmap that you can download for free, which is um, the equals game, which I've spoken about before I've even facilitated it on this podcast back in older episodes, and it's where we look at success equals. So it's starting to reveal some of like the historical things that make up your current definition of success, so like whether it's because your parents thought it was a good idea for you to get a job for life and pay into a pension pot and and retire and then enjoy your life, kind of thing. It just reveals where your definition of success comes from and then starts to flip it into like what actually does success feel like for you right now? And you start to redefine it in that way and with the success roadmap you can actually take that level deeper and start to look at what's really important to you in terms of your values. So it went fine, it was absolutely fine, and the feedback I had was great, and someone came up to me afterwards and said you know that she really resonated. It was a really great time for her because unfortunately she got made redundant on the Wednesday before, I think, which so she was quite emotional, um, but it was really nice that it had that resonance for so many people. So it was fine.

Speaker 1:

And then I um was a little bit off, put by the fact that I realized halfway through that my photographer wasn't in the room and I was like, oh, maybe she's forgotten me. Anyway, she turned up like five minutes to the end. So I was like, oh, fair enough, but she obviously didn't get enough snaps because she actually made me, um, sit my friends down, um and pose, like have some posed snaps, which I wasn't really. It's not really the look I was going for, but it was like it was what it was. And then I realized that I hadn't actually pressed record on my YouTube video that I'd set up, that I had the mic on my dress for, so I was a little bit disappointed by that.

Speaker 1:

And then also I had another friend that was sort of walking, roaming around the tent, sort of taking some b-roll, like you know 30 second videos and photos from different angles, getting in the crowds that were there. And what I realized was when I looked at the back, they all had music playing over them. I was like what the hell? I didn't have music in the background. That's when I realized it's because I've been playing Spotify through the speaker. And then all I'd done was turn down my phone. I hadn't stopped Spotify, I just turned it down. So on every single video that I had that she took, when she took some crackers, it's got like pink playing over it or something like that.

Speaker 1:

So I was just gutted, I was just so disappointed with how it went and, to be honest, it took me a while to lick my wounds and get over it. It's like such a build-up to you know, this, this whole event, and then it didn't go as planned, I felt, and it's because I was ill-prepared, it's because I wasn't as prepared as I'd like to have been, and then the situation was such that, you know, the generator noise was just constant. So if you're trying to listen to me, that's one thing with this generator noise, but when you're trying to talk over it, that's also another thing. Um, so, yeah, I just generally didn't feel it went. It wasn't my finest moment, didn't feel like it went great, but we live to tell the tale and nothing bad has come of it. Right, it's just a really good learning experience, I think, um as to whether or not I want to do other festivals, whether or not I want to be doing workshops versus talks, whether I want to even be putting myself in that situation again. But, um, it was. I'm pleased I did it and I'm pleased I went and we had, um, a great rest of the weekend. Uh, we had some lovely nights sitting outside the vans and eating lots of nice food, and I did have a nice little celebratory drink. I had chose a gin and tonic that evening. So it you know it was lovely.

Speaker 1:

And then from there I went down the southwest side of the country to Somerset where I joined a retreat which was with the vibes and visibility team, elizabeth, carley, leonard all about social media content and confidence. So it's called the show up till you glow up retreat, and that was awesome. I was there for three nights, met some amazing, incredible women that I'm sure will be in my life now, which is another just benefit of going on these retreats. Right, I was there at Womanifest with Alice, who I met in Bali and she's one of my best friends now and, you know, met these strangers on this other retreat and they're people that I feel like, because of the work that you go through when you're on a retreat, I just feel like I know them so well. So, yeah, this is a reminder that I am running a retreat, a timeout retreat, in Spain in September. Um, still have places left for that. If you want to join us, you're very welcome and reach out, or you can reach out to chat if you want to, or you can find the link to the details in the show notes or on my website, which is emmaclaytonxocom.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, finally, I just want to share that I have created a new little offer that I am kind of keeping on the download at the moment, so I've launched this to my list. I did do a little story hint into this the other day on instagram. I'm not doing a big launch yet, so I also wanted to let my listeners on the podcast know that I've created something I'm calling the secret lead her files, and this is a space that I wanted and craved to create for many months now, which is a very safe space for me, first and foremost, to come in and share the messy, raw, middle right, the, the parts where, on that Saturday of Womany Fest, that was really real and I was disappointed and I was sitting in the disappointment. And yet I was aware that I was in disappointment and I knew that I would pull myself out of it, but I just had to sort of sit through it. So I want a space where I can come in that moment and share what I'm going through, share the disappointment, share how I'm leading myself through it. So that's what I'm calling my secret podcast within these files. And then I also want to reciprocate and offer you a space where you can come and be met with zero judgment, but come as you are, like your whole self, your whole honest, full self, being completely you, and be open about where you're at as well and what you're going through, but not from a place of spilling your guts and like sharing your processing. But actually this is what I'm doing to lead myself through it. This is how I'm picking myself up and making the moves, regardless of the disappointment or whatever it is that you're experiencing.

Speaker 1:

So that's the confidential files. And then there's also a place called the common room, which is where you get to come and celebrate with your peers, where you get to ask for support and guidance, for coaching from me and whatever it is like. How do you move through something that's coming up? And it's just such a sacred space because we don't have these places right unless you work with a therapist and this isn't therapy, because this is all about how we're moving through it. But unless you work with a therapist, you don't have that like outlet where you can really offload and like tell your deepest, darkest secrets and truths to someone and without the risk of being judged right and that's what I want to create here.

Speaker 1:

So it's called the secret lead her files and it's a monthly subscription, so there's no minimum term. You can come for a month. If you don't like it or you're not using it, you can leave again. But I'm pretty sure if you came and you embraced it and you see the benefit and the value in having that outlet, having that space that you can come and be unapologetically yourself and be met with love and support by other women, you won't want to go anywhere. So that is on sale at the moment. It is low cost. I have a founding members rate which may have expired by the time you get there, but still it is a low cost amount.

Speaker 1:

So I've made it. I wanted to make it accessible for everyone. I want you in there if you're a listener to this podcast and you want more raw, real, because there's more where this came from. There's more stuff that I don't want to share on the podcast in the moment, or there's stuff that I don't want to share on my stories. This is the space that I will be sharing it in the moment, in real time, and, yeah, you are cordially invited in.

Speaker 1:

So I'll make sure that the link to the secret files is also down in the show notes. Go check it out and if you want to join us, I'll see you over there. It's in a whatsapp group, so it's really simple concept and I'm cannot wait to get going in there. So I think I'll leave that there for today. I just wanted to know if something bad like that happens to you. Nothing like nobody dies right. You will live to tell the tale, you will learn from it, you will grow from it. These are the situations that allow us to expand and evolve as human beings. So you've got this, I've got this, and until next time, take care, thank you.

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Emma Clayton

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